We have all heard about the controversial camp at Guantanamo and debated whether having water poured down your lungs is torture or just a "dunk in the water".
It turns out that there is a force even stronger than the ACLU and more powerful than the Supreme Court that could put an end to the madness: ASCAP. Yep, the Copywrite Nazis in the recording industry have the power! The problem is that they blast music at the prisoners to try and get them to confess. Everyone knows that this constitutes a public performance and the composers are owed money. Ever wonder why they don't sing "Happy Birthday" to you at your favorite restaurant when they bring you your cake? Yep, ASCAP! And we know that since ASCAP is a bunch of liberal entertainment moguls who want to destroy America, they would love to siphon money from our military using a slogan such as "Royalties, not Bombs!" (Okay, we may need to work on that one).
So who is really winning the War on Terror? Celine Dion, Billy Ray Cyrus, and the composer of the Chicken Dance.
As for me, I just recorded a few choice numbers with Garage Band and sent them to the Pentagon brass with my royalty rates...guaranteed confession or your money back!
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6 comments:
There's not a single garage band in the world that would ever play any of their songs.
Isn't "These Boots Were Made For Walking" by Nancy Sinatra public domain? They could always play Kate a lot of Kate Smith songs too.
AA, Garage Band is the name of a program for the Mac that is used to mix music...so I am offering my own monstrous creations to our military to help out.
And Logjam, I do NOT want to be captured by you!
Anyone who hears me sing will immediately break down into tears. I, too, offer my services to our country. I will sing any songs that the military specifies and they can use the recordings royalty-free.
Speaking of torture, I'd like to get my hands around the neck of that Chicken Dance composer.
Royalty free? Orbs, you are undercutting my rates! I was going to retire on those royalties!
How about going after that chipmunk dance song writer as well, orbs? You can throw in the Six Flags theme song for its annoyance factor too.
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