How do you handle friendships that die?
I have a friend - REALLY!! that is going thru a tough time
with a friend, she feels the friendship has died.
They have 8 more months on their apartment lease, and
the time isn't going fast enough.
They used to be very close, but things changed
after a promotion of one over the other,
and after a traumatic occurance that they each handled VERY differently.
I don't like to see them go thru this but there seems little
hope of restoring the friendship they had.
I work with them both and will not take sides at work, or at all.
I like them both, will listen to their rantings of each other, and yet
try to stay neutral, which isn't easy!
So far, I haven't been able to be of much insight in helping :(
I've had a couple friendships fade into oblivion, but it always leaves
an empty spot, and it's not a happy place.
How do you handle things like this?
I have a friend - REALLY!! that is going thru a tough time
with a friend, she feels the friendship has died.
They have 8 more months on their apartment lease, and
the time isn't going fast enough.
They used to be very close, but things changed
after a promotion of one over the other,
and after a traumatic occurance that they each handled VERY differently.
I don't like to see them go thru this but there seems little
hope of restoring the friendship they had.
I work with them both and will not take sides at work, or at all.
I like them both, will listen to their rantings of each other, and yet
try to stay neutral, which isn't easy!
So far, I haven't been able to be of much insight in helping :(
I've had a couple friendships fade into oblivion, but it always leaves
an empty spot, and it's not a happy place.
How do you handle things like this?
Some friendships were never 'true friendships.' People grow and change...they develop new interests and sometimes change the total direction of their life.
ReplyDeleteI have never had a friendship 'die.' The true friends I had throughout my life have remained my friends to this day. In fact this week, I am having dinner with two gals from high school ... although I had not seen them in years, they did come and show their support for me when my husband died.
Now while you remain friends, the closeness may change in different times. You will drift from the intimate relationship you had as teens and early twenties and then may re-establish it later in life.
You should follow the path you have been taking by not becoming involved or taking sides. Let them work this out by talking to each other.
Encourage them to not drop their friendship totally. Circumstances change and people enter and leave your life. Never lock the door on a friendship.
As far as restoring the friendship they had, well it may be different, but it can be a relationship. In fact, I met up with my 'best friend' from grade and high school this past month. It was interesting to say the least. We are good friends, but we are definitely different people.
Well said,beejay.
ReplyDeleteLM, the promotion has little or nothing to do with this problem. A real friend would be happy for the other receiving recognition for hard work and a job well done. There is more to the situation.
ReplyDeleteForgot to put that in my first post.
Good words beejay!
ReplyDeleteHaving to live for eight months with someone you can no longer stand would be terrible. Never move in with someone unless you're in love with him/her.
ReplyDeleteYeah, stay neutral, Lizardmom, but I know that's a very difficult proposition.
Unlike Beejay, I've had friendships "die," or at least wither away. Some I don't miss; others, I do. I consider myself fortunate to have a very good friend who was my best man at my wedding. I've known him for nearly 35 years. We are truly best friends, though he lives in Milwaukee and I in Racine. We see each other maybe 3 times a year, though we talk by phone every week or so. The loss of that kind of friendship would be catastrophic - like a death, or a divorce.
Sorry, but I have no real advice. I flunked "human relationships" a long time ago.
Just be careful how much you let them talk to you about it. The more you are in the middle, the more you could get hurt and have something come back to you. Neutral is best. Let them both clearly know that you are not going to "dump" the other one based on anything anyone says. Good luck. That is a sticky situation.
ReplyDeleteThey are at a tough age too, both very early 20's, life still filled with so much drama, yikes!
ReplyDeleteI do a pretty good rendition of Switzerland :) I have known a few people to have gone thru stuff like this, whether family or friends, when you like both, you like both, nothing can change that, they both know that too, I just worry about them
Orbs, did those friendships really die or if those people came back into your life, would you welcome them? Me, I know the friendships are not as intense as they were years ago, but they are still friends.
ReplyDeleteA couple of years ago, a friend I had not seen and a long, long, long time called me. She was coming to Florida to visit a friend of ours who was dying of cancer. I had written her to let her know. In any event, we had such a nice time....great visit. Haven't heard from her since...sent Christmas Cards, etc... Called her when our friend died. Nothing.
She'll show up sooner or later and I will welcome her back...but it will be a temporary thing with her. She will never be the friend she was when we were in our teens, but she will come into my life from time to time.
It is all part of life. Some folks are life-long friends and some are friends that become more like acquaintances as the years pass. But they are still friends after a fashion.
Yes, I've had people I once knew reappear in my life and we're still friends. But there have been others, too, who I've bumped into and we no longer have anything in common, we've grown apart. And then there's a few who I've had to cut off contact with for one reason or another. (Oh, it was interesting after the divorce to see who became "her" friends and who were "mine.") But like I said, I'm not very good at this. I'm much better with machines and animals.
ReplyDeleteOrbs, some folks call themselves your friends when they are not.
ReplyDeleteIf you leave the door open, they are the ones who have lost...
Animals and machines...interesting...just plain interesting!