Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello everyone! It’s time for our weekly wander through the realm of the unknown.

Our first question today comes from SER, who wrote: “I want to plan a trip...
What are the winning numbers going to be for Wednesday night’s Megabucks drawing?”

Dear Mr. SER: Of course, if I publish the winning numbers here, everyone who reads this will play them and there will be thousands of winners. Then you will maybe win a couple of dollars.

So, for security’s sake, I have sent the winning numbers to you telepathically. By now you should have received them and purchased your ticket. Congratulations, enjoy your trip, and please don’t forget my 15% gratuity.

Next, is a comment, I think, from a person, I think, who goes by the name ‘Karl Is Mad’:

Bom bom bom
I illiterate your fate with the back of my hand
and I'm crazy like a hound dog
no wait it's too late
I open heaven and then get shot down at the gate
and I have a gat
blat blat blat
I'm V-dub McLub with a ace o' club
skat skat skat skeet
wut up i have souls on my fiz-eet.
neat

Dear Mr. Karl Is Mad: Thank you for your interest in JT Irregulars.

Next is this from ‘Worried on Williams Street’: “Dear Madame Zoltar, I am very concerned about our economy. It seems like there is complete chaos on Wall Street and I don’t trust our government to do the right thing. (You know, the two biggest lies are ‘The check is in the mail,’ and ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help you.’) I’ve worked hard all my life for what I have and now I’m afraid it will disappear down a fiscal black hole. What do you suggest?”

Dear Worried: Are you old enough to remember the Marshall Plan? After World War II, we rebuilt the infrastructures and economies of our vanquished foes. Well, I think it’s pretty obvious that today we’ve lost the new war called Global Economy 101. I suggest that we surrender immediately and apply for aid from our conquerors. I also suggest taking some language classes in Arabic and/or Japanese. 幸運 !

[Confidential to Scandalized in City Hall: Slipping Antabuse into his coffee is probably illegal. Besides, I kind of look forward to watching him make an ass of himself at Party on the Pavement.]

That’s this week’s blog, my friends. I hope you enjoyed it. Please remember to keep those questions and comments coming to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

I hope you all have a very pleasant week and don’t forget, Madame Zoltar is watching over you. Au revoir!