On Orb's spam blog, the conversation turned to telemarketers, so let's start a new one here.
I refuse to put my number on a do not call list. I want these idiots to call me. They can be a tremendous source of amusement, if you play them right.
Over the last few months, I've gotten:
The auto warranty calls
The credit card consolidation calls
"Dave" or "Steve" or whatever the idiot's name is for satellite tv
Subscription for the RJT
Life insurance from JC Penny
Here's why they don't call anymore:
Auto Warranty:
I claimed to own an '86 Ford Pixar. Idiot stayed on the phone with me for 30 minutes trying to find it in her system before abruptly hanging up. Someone must have finallytold her that "Pixar" is the name of a movie company.
Credit Card Consolidation
I spent 15 minutes detailing the charges on 23 different ficticious accounts. I think I tipped my hand when I claimed to have a $643 balance on my "Vista" card from the "Bank of Racine". They hung up.
Satellite TV.
I listened to the entire pitch (about 10 minutes), then asked: If the picture is coming from a satellite, will all I see is space? I kept up this curious line of questioning (will I see planets? The moon?) until they hung up.
Subsrciption for the RJT
I listened to that whole pitch, then asked if the paper was available on audio or braille because I'm blind (I'm not). The woman mumbled an apology and hung up. She must have put something in the notes because the very next day, RJT called again. It went like this:
Me: Hello?
RJT: Hi I'm calling from the Racine Jour......Sorry, have a good day.
They never called back.
JC Penny life Insurance
As detailed on the other thread, JC Penny began calling me looking for "Annie". Even though I explained 6 or 7 times that there was no "Annie", they kept calling back. Finally, I asked why they were calling:
Me: Can you tell me what this is about?
JCP: We're calling JC Penny card holders with an offer for Life Insurance.
Me: So, if I kill the bitch, you pay me?
JCP: Excuse me?
Me: I said, if I kill the bitch, you gonna pay me?
JCP: Click
They never called back, but I kind of expected a visit from the cops. lol
All in all, I consider anyone calling my number to be fair game for abuse.
Okay, is your secret identity Tom Mabe?
ReplyDeleteMy favorite is when a telemarketer calls me and asks for the Mrs., I use the "we just got back from her funeral" bit.
ReplyDeleteI've belonged to AAA for years. Earlier this year, I decided I couldn't renew my membership because of financial issues. (That's a nice way of saying I'm broke.) So I didn't. I received a few letters from them asking me to renew. That was to be expected.
ReplyDeleteThen the phone calls started. Every day except Sunday, I'd receive a telephone call from 800-236-1300. Each time, the answering machine would get it, but the caller never left a message. The Caller ID said Toll Free Call, but if you Google the number, it comes up with AAA Madison. And if you go to the Wisconsin AAA site, that is their listed phone number.
I figured they'd tire of it and leave me alone, but it went on for over TWO MONTHS. Then one morning when I was on the toilet doing my business, the telephone rang. I was expecting a call from my doctor, so I scrambled to the phone, nearly tripping over my pants. Imagine my anger when I saw that it was from AAA again. I picked up the phone and shouted: "Do you think that harassing me for two months is going to make me want to renew my damn membership?" They hung up.
At that point, I was incensed and called AAA Madison, where a woman assured me that they would never do such a thing and that I was mistaken, confused, crazy, or all three. Then she hung up on me.
Long story short, I wrote a blistering letter to AAA, including photos of 40 of their calls on my Caller ID. Their response? One year's free membership and I've never been bothered by a call from them again.
Satellite TV.
ReplyDeleteI listened to the entire pitch (about 10 minutes), then asked: If the picture is coming from a satellite, will all I see is space? I kept up this curious line of questioning (will I see planets? The moon?) until they hung up.
I LOVE that one! LMAO!
orbs.. I bet they don't harass you to renew when your year is up!
Very funny, AA. I'm going to have try some of these tips.
ReplyDeleteWhen my son was a toddler,I would hand over a telemarketing call to a delighted child. He would babble their ear off tell they hung up.
God I hate doofuses. What's a doofus? Well I'm deaf and when I call, I use Sprint Online Relay service. (Hey it's free for long/short distance and hours on the line) The operator is my intermediary. I type in my end, she voices it, then types in the reply.
ReplyDeleteA doofas is a dumb ass that doesn't LISTEN to the explanation and decides the interpretor is a telemarketer before she can introduce herself. I have tried to buy something out of the paper, only to go through this string of crap. They set the phone down and walk away. The speaking fake spanish after answering with a normal hello, the whistling loudly in the poor operators ear.
Yes, telemarketers suck, but dumb assed people suck even more. Especially when they are businesses and I'm trying to buy/order from them. Clueless dumb asses wonder why their business isn't thriving and they dimwittedly drive the deaf away.
Well here's a good one.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter picks up the frickin phone (even though I told her never pick up if you don't know the #)SO she comes running to me and hands me the phone...I'm elbow deep with meatloaf.....I get on the phone and it's a recording "please hold for Joe Blow" Ok so I hold for Joe.............he gets on the phone after a few minutes and starts with his sale...........
I was pissed because I was a fool and waited.........yes I swore at him until he hung up....What the hell? Who do they think they are........