Time to pull out the long undies, it's cold out there!!!Last week was a very long week with tragedies to start the week,
the reality of it all didn't hit me until this morning,
between that, and the cold, and the very fact that it's
MONDAY...
How about we start this week with some good humor,
I NEED IT!!
So what do you have to help this week start out better???
SER, I know you have plenty, lets get the giggles going!
Posts
18 comments:
ok, my browser makes me laugh, the font is supposed to be the same size yet when my browser pulls it up, it's funky and huge... if this is any indication of what this week is going to be like, I'm going to go back to bed!
Yeah, computer snafus, they say it might snow, the economy is in the toilet, and everyone is foaming at the mouth about Obama or McCain.
Wake me up after the election. Better yet, wait till after the new year.
I'm going for margaritas. The tequilla will make me warm. If I post anything later tonight, don't pay attention to it, it might need to have google goggles...tee hee.
I noticed your funked up text Liz... whew, had to type that carefully.
I know! I even went in and tried editing it twice and it is fine when I pull that up but when I post it, it's all goofed up again, so it is what it is, it's just plain old Monday funky
KK, some tequila sounds good. I can't believe I actually saw snow today.
Im all for margarita's, forget the snow, think summer!!!!!
Boy I am sure glad I don't have the same problem with my browser that Lizardmom has.......
warning google goggles needed.... I tried to fix the formatting problem. I think I fixed liz's font problem, but darned if I can figure out why the page resolution is hosed. I'll keep thinking on it. btw, the margaritas rocked!
he he... got it. All fixed now. At least on my end. How is it looking to everyone else?
Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.
After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes.
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday, at the end of the work day, I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so turned on that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!'
The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!'
The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask.'
'When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down, turned on ESPN and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'''
A bald man with a wooden leg
is invited to a Halloween party.
He doesn't know what costume
to wear to hide his bald head and his
leg so he writes to a costume
company to explain his problem.
A few days later, he received a
parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's
outfit. The spotted handkerchief
will cover your bald head and, with
your wooden leg, you will be just
right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible
because they have emphasized
his wooden leg and so he writes
a letter of complaint. A week goes
by and he receives another parcel
and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit.
The long robe will cover your Wooden
leg and, with your bald head, you will
really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since
they have gone from emphasizing
his wooden leg to emphasizing his
bald head so again he writes the
company another nasty letter of
complaint.
A few day's later he gets a small parcel
and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a bottle of
molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.
Pour the molasses over your bald head,
pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden
leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co
SER & Dog Addicts
Thanks for a great belly laugh.
Farming's Tough
A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a
shapely 40 something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the
door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, 'Would you like to
buy some peaches?'
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, 'Are they as firm
as this?' He nodded his head and said, 'Yes ma'am,'' and a little tear ran from
his eye. Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, 'Are they
nice and pink like this?' The farmer said, Yes,' and another tear came from the
other eye. Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, 'Are they as
fuzzy as this?' He again said, 'Yes,' and broke down crying.
She asked, 'Why on earth are you crying?'
Drying his eyes he replied, ''The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy
beans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out
of my peaches.'
thanks KK :)
I'm tired of shivering my timbers already, I don't know if I will make it thru the winter, BRRR
This morning, I wrapped myself up like a cacoon to get warm, I could have stayed in there til spring!!
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
SER that one is really funny!
Sven and Ole go to hell
Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?
Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Visconsin, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.'
The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two guys from Wisconsin, the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking beer. The devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?'
Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve don't git too much varm veather up dere at Hurley, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's dis nice.'
The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. The devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?'
They both look at the devil in surprise and say, 'Vell, don't ya know, if hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Packers von da Super Bowl.'
I like them both, but the condom one is hilarious.
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