Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello my sweeties! How are you? It has been a grueling week in the psychic business, what with the upcoming election, the economy, and all. The one thing I can tell you for certain about current events is that nothing is certain.


Our first email today comes from Lizardmom, who writes:

This question has plagued me for some time now. Hubby says that water and/or rain are bad for leather. Why do cows not seem bothered then as well?? They don't shrink, crack or anything that seems to be worrisome once it's a jacket, but yet wasn't an issue as a full body suit...

Dear Ms. Lizardmom,

Cows are evil creatures, as attested to by this photograph:

They do things like that just to bother us. Like the milk thing. As long as milk is inside a cow, it doesn’t matter how hot it gets. But once it’s been dispensed for human consumption, watch out. It has to be separated, refrigerated, pasteurized, homogenized, neuralized, bacteriostaticized, and on and on. On no, dear, never trust those of a bovine nature. Nor the porcine.


Our next query comes from logjam, who writes:

Dearest Madam,

Is it true that the ransom for Orbs will eventually end up being a $50 gift card and 1,000 skymiles?

Your vision into the vast bunion is appreciated.

Dear Mr. logjam,

Thank you for your appreciation. I am always willing to help my fellow human beings in their quest for knowledge.

I do not know nor do I care about any supposed ransom for that reprobate, OrbsCorbs. He does not exist in my world. Unfortunately, he appears to exist in yours. You have my sympathy.


Here’s a couple of early Halloween treats for you all.

The first is the Past Life Generator. Click on the mirror to discover who you were in a previous incarnation.

The second is Predictions from the Past. That’s self-explanatory.


Ta-ta, children! Don’t forget to email me your questions and comments, hopes and dreams, plots and schemes: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com. Have a wonderful week.

Auf Wiedersehen!