Dear Madame Zoltar

Boo to you, my ghouls and goblins! Happy Halloween! This is one of my favorite times of the year. Please enjoy my holiday blog.


The first email today comes from Mr. Logjam, who writes:

Madame,

With Halloween coming up, I am in need of your vision into the mystic. Looking forward into my past, is my younger self going to get the good candy this year Trick or Treating or am I doomed to a bag full of Tootsie Rolls like in the past?

My gratitude to you is as always.

Dear Logjam,

Your query brought a tear to my eye. Looking forward into your past, I was filled with melancholy at the prospect of young Logjam facing another Halloween with nothing but little logs of hard, stale, chocolate taffy to show for it. Therefore, I did something that I rarely do; I altered the space-time continuum. Oh, don’t worry, not by much. Just enough to give young Logjam a Halloween filled with Hershey bars and Three Musketeers bars and Snickers and Milky Ways and gobs of other goodies this year. Please let us know how the memory feels as soon as you receive it, Mr. Logjam.

P.S. To all of you: messing with the s-t continuum usually has some side effects like people and/or other forms of life suddenly fading into and/or out of existence in the present. And buildings. And maybe a few other things. And history is changed. You’ll get used to it. Or dematerialize. You should check out who is running for president now!


The second email today comes from a “Ms Awa Dominic,” who has a familiar way of saying things:

Hello Dear,

In the galaxy where all is beauty i fine it necessary to approach your Platform these way, well i apologies if my mode of contacting you will any way offend you,as well pardon me for the inconvenient it will take you in listen to my magistrate,i got your contact when i was searching for business partner,one fact to know is that, the essential sadness is to pass through life without experience, yet is also sad to pass through life without sharing once experience and weakness to others,if this is true of me.

I am Ms Awa Dominic, From Sudan,my mother die when she was giving berth to me,and my father Mr Dominic Dim Deng,is a military delegate whom die in the recent plane crash, see the web http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7380412.stm I am residing is Senegal since the war of Sudan,I want you to assist me retrieve my late father sizable asset , so that i come over to your country for investment.Thank for your anticipation.

Dear “Ms Awa Dominic,”

Or should I call you Stella the Stargazer? Or Andrea the Mystic? Or whatever other names that you, Shirley Deister, of Brookfield, IL, are going by now? I recognize that “Awa Dominic” alias from Cook County jail over 20 years ago. Shirley, I knew that you were low, but I never thought you’d stoop to email scams. This is my territory, so hit the road, “Dear,” and take that flakey assistant of yours, Thomas P. O’Dea, with you! If I'm lucky, you both dematerialized after you sent me that spam.


I have more online tricks and treats for you this week:
Try out Ben & Jerry’s Halloween Experience.
Be sure to visit BlackDog’s Halloween Party.
Check out FreeHalloween.com.
And my personal favorite, Halloween with Boowa & Kwala.


Finally, my friends, I just have to put in a good word for the Burlington Vortex Conference this weekend. (Journal Times story here.) My booth will be the one with the flashing neon JTI sign. I hope to see you there.

Don’t forget to email your questions and comments, phantoms and apparitions, possessionss and visitations to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com. Have a haunted week.

Dosvidanya, dears.