Dear Madame Zoltar

Hi, my friends! It’s good to be with you again.

I’ve decided that this week I would tell you little about my family background. The picture below is of Grandpa Emilio Zoltar, the first psychic to foresee the Great Depression and throw himself off of a Wall Street window ledge because of it:
Before he made his grand exit, though, Grandpa Emilio married. He was a strange man with strange tastes. He fell in love with a wax dummy named Marge:

It was love at first sight. They melted into each others arms. Their connubial bliss produced a son, the man I later married, Karl “The Reptile” Zoltar, known for his cold, almost mechanical, mannerisms:



Our union produced a son, Karl “The Robot” Zoltar, Jr.:



Unfortunately for everyone involved, Karl Sr. is a piece of trash lowlife who can’t keep his pants on. I had to divorce the lying scumbag and raise Junior on my own. It’s pretty funny to listen to Karl talk about “doing” versus “intending” in that video. He was always “intending” to pay the child support, but never “doing” anything about it. So I had to come up with a way to support myself and our son. Thus, Madame Zoltar was born. I tapped into my personal psychic sources and became a legend. Today Junior is successfully engaged in his YouTube career and paint huffing activities. We live a modest suburban life, but don’t really lack for anything. I owe it all to you, my faithful friends and fans, and my many loyal customers. Thank you for making Madame Zoltar your Guide to the Spirits and the Stars.

Please remember to send you comments and questions to me at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Thank you for letting me chat with you today. I look forward to doing it again next week. Until then, farewell my friends.