CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET – a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.
# # # # #
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines
one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG
one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers
one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer
one year ago, drank all the beer,
then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund,
you will have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan
is to drink heavily & recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.
~~~~~
Posts
3 comments:
Unfortunately, I believe that the recycling industry has crashed, too, along with everything else, so I don't think you get that much anymore for aluminum beer cans. The obvious solution, of course, is to drink more beer, thus producing more empty cans to recycle.
Now I read where the dairy farmers want a stimulus plan because not enough people are going out to restaurants and the like, and not buying as much for home use, so what they are paid for the price per 100 lbs of milk has drop significantly.
Many farmers are cutting back on their herds and the cows are sent to the slaughter house, now the price of beef (according to the article) is dropping. Again, less money for the farmer.
I think we are spiraling right down the toilet.
Less manufacturing of feed for the cattle.
Less milk containers require.
Less drives to haul the product.
Oh shit, the list can go on and on.
I better go back to bed before my head explodes.
All because of CEO's...maybe they should put a bounty on them?
I'm beginning to believe that a lot of this spiraling is happening because there is the presumption that a bailout is possible. If you cry poor enough, lay off enough employees, threaten to go under, maybe the government will send some assistance your way. Opportunists are always looking for handouts.
I understand things have been getting worse for awhile, believe me... it has hit my pocketbook too. However, all of a sudden, hands are going into the air. Is this month really that much different than last month or has public perception due to media hype just swayed dramatically?
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