Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my dew-dappled darlings! How are you? Hasn’t this been a chilly spring? I know it’s not officially summer yet, but I’m still afraid to put away my winter coat.

I’m blogging to you this week from the astral plane. It is at times difficult to maintain the mental discipline and spiritual equilibrium necessary for conscious activity within such a higher plane of existence. But I gain great insight into the mysteries of the universe while I am here, so I feel that I must visit occasionally for the benefit of all mankind.

The first thing I noticed when visiting astral areas this time is the vast amount of anxiety clouding almost everything. What happens in our everyday mortal lives can also affect the astral, and I’m afraid that the worldwide recession, wars, poverty, hatred, and the like are polluting the divine with our fears and concerns. When this happens, it is even more difficult to discern the truths contained within the plane. Therefore, I am directing all JT Irregulars to party like there is no tomorrow (because maybe there isn’t). When you follow the exhortations of Mr. OrbsCorbs to “party on,” you actually help relieve the stress on the supernatural. The more you party, the more I can focus here. And the more I can focus, the better my predictions.

In any case, I’m going to go out on a limb and make some predictions despite my difficulties today. Remember, though, that these may be less than 100% accurate. They are more or less “advisory” predictions, to be taken with a grain of salt, and a modicum of cynicism.

For the aforementioned Mr. OrbsCorbs, I predict more of the same lunacy which already is his life. No, Mr. Corbs, it won’t get any crazier – because it can’t. You are already off the nutso scale.
For the exquisite Ms. kkdither, I predict romance and intrigue. Perhaps you will be swept off your feet and go on an ocean cruise with a mysterious stranger. Or maybe you’ll just catch the next episode of Days Of Our Lives.
For Mr. SER, I predict fermented malt beverages in mass quantities. ‘Nuff said.
For Ms. Lizardmom, I see reptiles, lizards, turtles, and snakes. Mmmm, yummy!
For Mr. hale-bopp, the unbeliever, I predict an unusual event which may shake his faith in direct observation. Perhaps he will be struck by a sudden insight into the ethereal, or maybe just by a lightning bolt.
For Mr. AvengingAngel, I foresee warm summer evenings filled with camaraderie and fellowship at local watering holes. Or is that a group of convicts circling you in the prison shower? Oh well, time will tell.
For Ms. Beejay, please see Lizardmom’s prediction. Yikes!
For Mr. drewzepmeister, I predict music (of course) and maybe a little romance, too. Again, the astral plane is so overcast . . . I can hear the music, but I can’t quite make out if it is “Here Comes the Bride,” or “Ticket to Ride.”
For Mr. Huck Finn, I believe that you will meet a tall, dark stranger soon. He will say that he is from the government and that he is here to help you, a contradiction in terms. Beware!
For Ms. ABBY, I predict that her glamorous lifestyle and overwhelming beauty will only increase her dazzle factor. If she shines any more brightly, she may put out the sun.
For Mr. logjam, I see officiating and recuperating, the perfect way to spend a summer.
For Ms. Why Not, well, I don’t so much see, as I smell, diapers, diapers, and diapers. Motherhood may be the most noble profession, but it’s not pretty, is it?
For Ms. DogAddicts, what else could I predict but bow-wow? A tall, handsome dog will darken your doorway, looking for love.
For Mr. Toad, I foresee your numbers finally hitting at the lottery. Too bad that you don’t play, though.
For Ms. Mary, I predict that you actually will win the lottery, but then that government man who visited Mr. Finn will pay you a visit, too. Sorry.
For Ms. cyndi, I see a fantastic career as a roller derby queen. In fact, I predict that she will start a JT Irregulars team.
For Mr. RWWackoStu, more outrage at government squandering is in store for you. Hope your blood pressure can take it.
For Mr. fungi, you will meet a tall, dark Jose Cuervo, again, at the next JTI gathering.
For Mr. Becker, I predict probation, if the charges aren’t outright dismissed. Maybe you can’t fool Mother Nature, but everything else is for sale, especially in Racine’s courts.
And for the rest of the JT Irregulars readers and contributors, I predict more of the same blogging, flogging, bluster and fun right here on this website every day.

I have to descend to the physical plane now and rest. These trips are very taxing. I hope that my predictions have brought some joy or hope into the hearts of my beloved Irregulars. We must keep our spirits high and our souls free as we navigate the dreary and cumbersome reality of Racine. It is our duty to party in order that the psychic loads of others may be lightened. Remember, when you lift or light one up, the gods get buzzed, too.

Please send your comments and questions to me at: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

See you next week, my dears. Party on!