Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my soggy friends. How are you? If only it would rain once in awhile, then maybe summer would get here.

The stunning Ms. ABBY submitted an email this week, in which she wrote:

My dearest Mme,

As you know, I will be flying to Florida on the 24th of June and returning to Racine on the 30th.....Could you please make sure there are no snakes on the planes and plenty of cocktails waiting for me when I arrive?....

All my love,

Abby

My dearest Ms. ABBY, I can assure you that your flights will be reptile-free. However, even I cannot control what you might encounter once you arrive in Florida. I strongly suggest that you follow Ms. Beejay’s lead in regard to snakes and other local critters. She has the experience.

I also detect that a cocktail or two may be part of Ms. Beejay’s repertoire in dealing with snakes, so there should be no problem in that regard as she believes in being quite prepared.

Below is a screenshot of the lead story in the Religion section of the June 13th Journal Sentinel Online.


http://www.jsonline.com/features/religion/48009892.html

The Wonewoc Spiritualist Camp sounds like an interesting place to visit perhaps, but at “$40 for a personal reading, $25 for the séance,” it is definitely in the low rent district. I am not a snob, mind you, but you sometimes do receive spiritually what you pay for materially. Those with the greatest gifts can command the highest prices. Remember, it’s always best to look for the Zoltar® label on your psychic, spiritual, and astrological purchases. Zoltar® is your guarantee of the greatest psychic bang for your hard earned buck.

Finally, below is an ad which has been appearing in the local newspaper for some time now.


I have a few things to say to “Mrs. Hilton.” First, if you are in any way related to that bimbo, Paris, you and your entire gene pool should be eradicated. Second, you should be aware of whose territory you are encroaching on when you set up shop, dearie. Third, well, I don’t expect you to last long enough to get to three, honey. I give you until yesterday to stop hawking your scam on my beat. Do a disappearing act, now.

Imagine the nerve of some people to just parade in and start tapping a market that you’ve worked so hard to develop. This ain’t hot dogs, you know.

Please send your questions and comments to me at: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Thank you for reading my blog this week, my ginger snaps. The weatherman says it will warm up by the end of the week. If it doesn’t, I’m beaming him to the hot side of the sun.