Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my pretty peaches! How are you? The arrival of summer sure was sudden. And apparently final.

The first thing I want to do is to reassure all of you about the weather for this Saturday’s picnic. Remember how I gave my personal guarantee concerning the weather for the last get-together? I know that Ms. Beejay does. Other than the downpours and deluge and thunder and lightning, everything went pretty well, didn’t it? Well I give you the same guarantee for this weekend’s festivities. Thus spake Zoltar™ and thus shall it be!

I received an email this week from the ever-redundant Mr. OrbsCorbs, who wrote:

Dear Most Exalted Madame Zoltar,

My cat is insane. His name is Charlie; maybe you’ve seen him elsewhere on this blog. He believes that he is the master of our household. He wakes me up in the morning and tells me when to go to sleep at night. All activities in our household revolve around him and his habits. He resents the time that I spend online and not with him. If he knew that I was writing this, he would bite me. Ow!

Please help.

Your servant,
OrbsCorbs

Dear Mr. OrbsCorbs: Oh my, I don’t know how to break this to you, but Charlie is the boss in your relationship and the sooner that you accept that fact, the sooner things will work out for everyone involved. Simply cater to his every whim and everything else will be fine. When he bites you, you are doing something wrong and must be corrected. It is not Charlie’s fault if you are too dimwitted to learn from him.

There were no other messages this week, and it is very warm in the ether these days, so I will keep my blog short today. However, I feel it necessary to comment upon Mayor Dickert’s fundraiser tomorrow for his re-election in 2011. Bravo, Mr. Dickert! I have only witnessed such cold, callous, calculating cynicism toward the electoral process in much more seasoned career politicians. Perhaps you are more corrupt than I first gave you credit for. You’ve been in office but a brief few weeks and done nothing for the citizens of Racine, but already you are jetting around the country on our dime and making plans to cover your butt with our money in the future. You are truly a leader in the mold of Becker and the other greats of our local political scene who have drained the democracy from Racine and filled it with their vision of personal greed and power. To borrow a well-worn phrase, “Party on, Dickert!” The only way to serve the people of Racine is to betray them. And to your credit, you haven’t been busted for molesting children, yet.

I hope that all of the irregulars and our other friends keep cool. I know that many of you may have difficulty affording air conditioning during these tough economic times. That’s why you should know that the a/c is always running in the mayor’s office, even if he’s not there (most of the time). So stop on in and cool off – you’re paying for it, in more ways than you can imagine.

Please send your questions and comments to me at: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Have a wonderful time at the picnic. I will try to stop by on my way to Soothsayer ’09, one of the many psychic fairs and conventions that I attend in order to keep you informed on the latest advances in prognostication. Toodles.