Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my special sparrows! How are you? The tomatoes that I planted (no charms this time) are actually starting to grow. I think I’ve even seen the sun a few times. Hooray!

I received a message this week from Mr. Huck Finn, who wrote:

“I don’t tell this story as it is one that runs counter to my belief system. When I was very young, around the age of three, Dad was heavy into mental telepathy. He figured that a reason people couldn’t was because they weren’t trained early enough. We used to run though the cards with interesting results. Statistical analysis said the results were enough out of the norm that at age four he started trying to train telekinesis. I never managed to make anything move, even though he tried to trick me into thinking it could be done by using a weathervane light meter that spun in a vacuum.

“One of the very weird things I used to be able do was to name the top card on the ESP cards deck with over 50% accuracy. There are four cards (triangle, square, circle, wavy lines) in that deck, so I should have had a 25% ratio.

“What I’m wondering is, do gypsy children get trained young, or is it just if you have the gift or not?”

Dear Mr. Finn, thank you for such an interesting question - interesting because it is about my background. I share your father’s belief that most people do not tap the full extent of the psychic powers within themselves. You can learn to work with your natural abilities, but like most skills, it is easier learned in childhood than later on in life.

That is not to demean talent, however. People are born with more or less ability than others. Someone with a knack for clairvoyance who is also trained in the psychic arts from an early age can become a master of the occult.

In our culture, we seek out the gifted children among us. They are trained much like the apprentice of any craft. Our elders guide them through the process. And in the end, you have someone like me, Madame Zoltar®.

Like many other professionals, I strive to stay up to date with the latest developments in my field. Recently, I took an interest in web bots, in the hopes of integrating my love of the internet with my psychic powers. Web bots, in case you don’t know, are programs designed to “crawl” the internet, looking for specific words or terms. Google and other search engines use them to index the internet, so that when you type in search words, they know where to point you.

Other people have also designed web bots to crawl the internet looking for specific terms and/or words, many of them also incorporating the preceding and succeeding words or phrases, and then using some linguistic programs to interpret the data. Some claim that the internet as a whole is similar to the Jungian collective unconscious and that it can be mined to predict future events (much like Edgar Cayce claimed). That is right up my alley, so I decided to look into it.

Most of what I found was a little strange, even for me, and kind of out there, even for someone like Mr. OrbsCorbs (*jk*). Some web bot programmers say that they can predict stock market trends. Others are linked to the 2012 phenomenon. Their bots crawl the web looking for references to 2012. When they find them, they trumpet the results online, adding to the frenzy. As near as I can determine, this is the home of the Web Bot Project, the one that supposedly foretold of 9/11: http://www.urbansurvival.com/simplebots.htm.

Other sites related to web bot predictions have a tendency to also be linked to UFO sites and their ilk. They don’t help their credibility any, either, when they broadcast things like the following. I apologize beforehand for the length and tedium of the video (it’s mostly audio), but if it loads fast for you, you can skip ahead to about 4:30 when the predictions turn to Omni Humanity and thereafter. Mind you, dearies, much of this is supposed to be happening now:



At this point, I’ve decided to stick with the tried and true tools of my trade instead of seeking guidance from the internet. My crystal ball and tarot cards are still the finest instruments of prognostication available in the world today. On that, you have my word as Madame Zoltar™.

Don’t forget to send me your comments and questions at: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Have a wonderful week, my buttercups. I’m placing a special blessing on Racine today.