Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my tasty Pop Tarts! How are you? I certainly have enjoyed the scenery in Racine lately. Did you see all those athletes in town for the triathlon over the weekend, and tomorrow for the bicycle race? That’s a lot of beefcake on the hoof, girls.

Let me tell you the big news! I’ve been contacted by Michael Jackson from the great beyond. He came to me suddenly, in the middle of a reading I was doing for a former politician in Racine. I was so embarrassed. “Why now?” was all I could think. Anyway, I’ve managed to re-establish contact with the King of Pop and he has given me permission to put a select group of people in touch with him. A very limited number of fans will be allowed to contact the dearly departed Mr. Jackson, through me, for a very reasonable stipend. Mr. Jackson will answer your questions and queries personally, through me. Do not miss your chance to get in on this amazing deal. The dead reserve the right to withdraw this offer at any time. As is customary, a 50% discount applies to all Irregulars.

Oh, and if you’re interested, I can contact Farrah or Ed McMahon at even more reasonable rates. They’re toll-free.

Given the times that we live in, I’m not surprised that more people are trying to stretch their psychic dollar to get the best return on their investment. That’s why all Zoltar® brand products have been discounted 10 to 25%. I want my clients to receive the best clairvoyant care available today, whether they can afford it or not. The Zoltar™ name is your assurance of the finest quality paranormal materials and wizardry. Why buy that cheap, substitute Brand-X quackery, when you can afford the very best? Zoltar©. Remember, my personal guarantee goes with every one of my products: You will be completely satisfied with your purchase, or I’ll change your mind.

Sorry for the promotional plug, dearies. I have to make a living, too.

Nobody had any pressing problems or burning issues this week. It’s nice to know that the Irregulars are doing well.

I also wanted to weigh in on the 40th anniversary of the moon landing. Hurrah, hurrah! I cheer for this accomplishment today just as I did forty years ago from the lunar ether. Hurrah, hurrah!

Finally, I want to share a website with you, EasyBarTricks.com, that is a lot of fun. Here is their Beer Bottle Routine:



Thank you all for reading my blog this week. Don’t forget to send me your deepest, darkest thoughts: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Keep an eye out for those bicycle boys, dearies, and don’t forget to look both ways when crossing the street. Enchilada!