Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my mirthful meadowlarks! How are you? Have you seen the sun lately? Where did it go? O mighty Sol, have we offended you? How may we appease you that you will once again grace our skies? But you better forget about the sacrificing virgins bit, brother. Not in this town. If that’s the case, it looks like stormy weather.

No messages, letter bombs, or veiled threats this week:

I want to say that I have taken a moment from my busy schedule to place a positive spell on the city of Racine and its inhabitants, pro bono. This dreadful weather and economic turmoil has taken its toll on everyone in our city. Well, almost everyone. I hope that Mayor Dickert proves to be the person who leads Racine to prosperity and peace. And if he doesn’t, we’ll throw the bum out and put another bum in his place. Because this is Racine, the home of the Mitchell and the land of the Osterizer. Even my considerable powers are not up to turning around the direction of our city by themselves. We will all have to do our part. And the part of those whose wages we pay to tell us what to do. Rest assured, though, that we will do it. And when we do, the politicians will take credit for it. It is the way of the world. I’m not giving up on Racine, dearies, and no one else should, either. Together we can make our community a safer and saner place to live, no matter what City Hall does.

Onward to observations on the season. Here is “Halloween Pumpkin Scare,” featuring those strange humanoid faces that creep out Mr. OrbsCorbs:



I meant no disrespect to Mr. Jackson by posting that video. I never speak ill of the dead. Never. They make up almost half of my clientele. As many as you want to contact them, you wouldn’t believe how many of them want to contact you, and not necessarily to just reach out and touch. I don’t play favorites when it comes to business (except for my beloved Irregulars) and a lady has to do what she has to do to get by in these difficult times. If you feel like someone you know (or don’t know) from the past has been trying to contact you, they may be using my new Spiritual Signal Booster, pat. pend., only $24.95, including power adapter for both realms.

Here’s a much gorier one for you, Mr. OrbsCorbs, “Halloween Pumpkin Massacre:”



Isn’t it funny how we feel for a pumpkin when it has a human face? But not so much for corn, as in “Terrified Corn Cobs:”



Well, I must be popping off. (I am so sorry. I just couldn’t resist that.) I love each and every one of my Irregulars. Thank you for reading my blog. Don’t forget to send your obscene screeds and spare change to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Keep your chins up and your umbrellas handy. Together we can ride out any storm. Lavoris!