Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my oscillating oranges! How are you? How was your Thanksgiving? I ate and ate and ate, and then I channeled hungry people so I could eat some more. There are few leftovers after a Zoltar feast; some have even reported missing fingers, amongst other things. Our wonderful, delicious, adorable Packers did it again, right on the holiday, too, to give an even greater glow to the events of the day. Thank you, you assorted millionaire hunks of beefcake. Now ravage those Ravens!

It appears that our weather is finally going to take a turn for the worse in the next few days. Although freshly fallen snow can be a beautiful sight, the gloomy skies and short days of winter often have a depressing effect upon me. I feel dull, listless, and drained of energy and desire. That is why I invented new Zoltar Zing®, an energy drink containing extracts from the roots of ancient Romanian amphetamine trees. Just a couple of sips of Zing® and you’ll be ready to work a forty hour week, in two days. Just say, “Zing® me!”

No missives from the masses, no voices in the crowd.

Christmas is one of my favorite times of year. I love the decorations and merriment. I recently passed through downtown Racine in the late evening, and it was all aglow. It’s lovely to have a commercial district with a personal touch. Most of the stores and restaurants and taverns are unique, one of a kind, with local owners. They care about their businesses and how they cater to the public. It’s a beautiful time of year to stop in downtown Racine and savor some local flavor. Christmas in Racine isn’t right without a visit there.

I also like the Kiwanis Christmas light display at the Racine Zoo along North Main St. So beautiful, so compelling. I even remember back when the Wheary lights were on the Wheary home, causing traffic jams on North and South Vincennes Circle. Now I’m dating myself. Oh my. There was ice skating on the zoo pond then, too, and the men had just beaten the dinosaurs back into Lake Michigan for the final time.

One of the things that I miss the most at the Zoltar home at this time of year is the fragrance of a real Christmas tree. For safety reasons (i.e., Junior), we have an artificial one. Real trees are expensive, messy and need maintenance (sometimes just getting one upright is a challenge – the more I think about it, the more they remind me of men), but that smell was part of the tradition when I grew up. The aroma of those resiny oils smelled like magic in my nostrils, enough magic for a fat old Santa Claus to leave real presents for me under the tree. Nowadays, I gather a few clippings of a spruce or pine from here or there, and bring them into the house for my own variety of Christmas aroma therapy.

I think what I really miss the most, though, is that magic. Every year, I try to recreate or re-find it, but even with my powers, I fail. It appears that it is not mine to make. If it cannot be made,Christmas magic must be a by-product of something else. I’m not sure what that is yet, dearies, but I think that doing good for others may be part of the process. It may well be that the more we practice Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward Men, the more Christmas magic that we generate. I suspect that if everybody practiced it, Santa would have presents for all of us.

Thank you so much for reading my blog this week, my pilgrims. I’m relieved that all of you survived Black Friday. Remember to cover your mouth if you cough or sneeze, and wash your hands often. Take lots of vitamin C.

Forward your flotsam and jetsam to madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Have a wonderful week, my friends. Dyspepsia!