For pet lovers out there, I got this in an e-mail today. I thought is was funny...Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your clothes,
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children
I'm pretty sure this was written about our dog.
ReplyDeleteI love pets. I don't know why my cat needs 3/4 of the bed to sleep either, or why he has to be in the bathroom when I do my business.
ReplyDeletemY CAT HAS TO BE FED IN THE MORNING. sHE WON'T SHUT UP UNTIL SHE GETS IT. iF i SLEEP LATE SHE IS ON THE BED LOKING AT ME AND MEOWING. hA (ya I just noticed!!!!) Have someone come over and feed her at 3 pm she now figures she gets fed BOTH times. If the door is not closed tightly she can come and go in the bathroom.....except in the middle of the night. Then she can't get out and bangs on the door til I get up and let her out. I love her.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure one of my dogs wrote it!!!! LOL! Remember, I'm the nut case that had a birthday party for a dog!!!! Oh dear.....
ReplyDeleteI think pets are the ONLY civilized society left?
ReplyDeleteYep, my dog does same thing!
ReplyDeleteI'm an animal lover. I have cows, horses, pigs, ducks cats and chickens and don't have to share my bed with anyone AND, no poop to shovel...on Farmville. I now see why people get addicted. LOL
ReplyDeleteI love animals and have had many dogs and cats (and birds,fish,a pig,etc). But plaese people, pets are animals NOT children. They really should not be brought everywhere and are not appriciated by everyone. Use a bit of common sense.
ReplyDeleteAmen! My 3 dogs, my foster dog and my 2 cats are applauding you!
ReplyDelete