Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my waterlogged wallabies! How are you? Are you keeping your powder dry? That can be difficult in weather like we’ve recently had. My poor baby veggie plants are drowning (and freezing) in their beds. Enough with the weather walloping, Mother Nature, dear. Please, dear, please. Moderation in all things is so much more pleasant than going to extremes. Please give plants and animals a chance to enjoy some sunshine and grow. Show us your beautiful side, Mother Nature, tell us stories of bright and breeze. Caress us in your arms. Whisper us to sleep. Dream us summer, warm and free.

Oh my, I waxed poetic. The season does that to me. Spring’s flush of growth can be intoxicating. Perhaps I’m tipsy.

Have any of my dear Irregulars been to downtown Racine to try out the new rubber sidewalk christened by Mayor Dickert last Friday? http://www.journaltimes.com/news/local/article_4e37038e-7033-11df-b33c-001cc4c03286.html I haven’t had a chance to stop by yet and see how the sidewalk performs. I’m not even sure what I’m looking for or what to expect. I just like the idea of a softer, bouncier, squishier world. Not to be a punster, but wouldn’t it have been more appropriate to install the new sidewalk in Rubberville? Or does that have a new name now, too? I don’t know the latest appellations for the trendy neighborhoods in Racine. Until I read the article about the rubber sidewalks, I didn’t know that area in downtown is called Crosswalk Park. A long time ago, I knew some people who lived across the street from there, above the storefronts. Bohemians, or artists, or something like that. They were all nuts. Oh dear.

Speaking of nuts, my ex-brother-in-law recently reared his ugly head in my life again. Marko (I know – Polo – tee-hee), my ex-husband’s youngest brother, usually shows up when he has worn out his welcome everywhere else. I don’t want to imply that he is dishonest, but he is a thief, a liar, and a scoundrel. He only appears when he is in need. And whatever he needs, someone else is expected to pay for it. He was waiting for me when I returned home Saturday. Junior wisely had not let him in - he knows Uncle Marko. I, too, refused him entry, but his passionate pleas for a place to sleep led me to allow him to spend the night on our enclosed porch. Of course, in the morning he needed to use the bathroom. I had no choice but to let him in. And like any Zoltar worth his salt, once his foot was in the door, it was impossible to remove. He’s been sleeping in the spare room. I’ve hidden every valuable that I can think of and Junior is under strict orders to observe Uncle Marko at all times when I am not there. I do have a business to run, and it is only made more difficult worrying about what a freeloader might do to my home when I am away.

I know that I should stick up for myself and just tell Marko to go away, but I can’t bring myself to do it. It’s not that I’m afraid of him or anything like that. It’s more like I feel a little fondness and a lot of sadness for him. He’s not a particularly good influence on Junior, but he is family, what’s left of it. He usually stays for a week or two, then is on his way, to “visit” someone else. I don’t mind helping out, I just don’t want to be taken advantage of. Balance, again, moderation. Sometimes a difficult discipline to attain.

Well thank you for taking some time out of your day to share with me. The JT Irregulars are the best bunch of people since the founding fathers of our great nation. I mean that. They come in different sizes and persuasions, but are all united in their common independence. I’m so proud to be a member of this group, and so proud of each and every Irregular. Thank you for being you.

Please send your comments and questions (and threats to Marko) to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

I can predict that we will have a glorious summer. It’s just a mater of how many days it lasts: one or two. Oh dear. Enough jokes. Be careful out there. I love you Irregulars. Dymaxion!