Friday, October 22, 2010

Tell me a joke!

I've had enough serious crap to last a lifetime this week...tell me a joke....I want to laugh so hard I cry....
Posted by at

17 comments:

ytykbydkaa said...

Justin Bieber and a peanut were walking through the park. One was a salted.

October 22, 2010 at 1:34 PM
OKIE said...

Well Beejay, if you don't mind "colorful" ones, I have a good one.

October 22, 2010 at 1:50 PM
Beejay said...

colorful is okay, I'm over 18....

October 22, 2010 at 3:30 PM
SER said...

An elderly couple were sitting at the breakfast table one fine morning, when the old woman says to her husband, "Just think, honey, we've been happily married now for 50 years."

"Yes," he replied. "Fifty years ago we were probably sitting here at this breakfast table together. But back then we were probably buck naked!"

The granny snickered, "Well... what do you think? Should we?"

The husband readily agreed, and in a flash both the prune-like coffin-dodgers had stripped to the buff and sat back down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly said. "My nipples are as hot for you as they were 50 years ago!"

"I'm not surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the others in your oatmeal!"

October 22, 2010 at 3:30 PM
Beejay said...

SER...good one...I laughed out loud! See all typed out nice and neat. Laughed Out Loud!

October 22, 2010 at 3:33 PM
SER said...

HOW THE JEWS GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS


God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."

And the Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shalt not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested."

So he went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
And the Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and Mother”,
ather? We don't know who our fathers are."

So He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
And the Mexicans wanted an example,
and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."

He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
The French wanted an example and the Lord said,
"Thou shalt not commit adultery."
"Not commit adultery? We're not interested.

He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"
"They're free."
"We'll take 10."

October 22, 2010 at 3:34 PM
SER said...

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend?

"I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!

" She then asked Mitchell what he had done? "I took a ride on a choo-choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words."

She then asked little Alex what he had done? "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the SHIT."

October 22, 2010 at 3:39 PM
OKIE said...

A psychiatrist is walking around a mental institution and comes up on this guy whose holding a baseball bat and acting like he's hitting a ball. The Dr asks him what he's doing. "Well, I'm Mickey Mantle and I'm getting out of here soon and I need to practice." Okay says the Dr. and he moves on.

Comes upon another guy who appears to be golfing. Dr. asks what he is doing. "I'm Jack Nicklaus and I'm getting out of here soon so I'm practicing my putt." Okay.

Comes up to another guy who has his pants down, has one hand on "it" and with the other is smashing peanuts into the hole. The Dr. says "what the hell are you doing?"
"Well the man says, I'm just f@@@ing nuts and I'm never getting out of this place."
Sorry if this offends....

October 22, 2010 at 4:47 PM
Sassa said...

Thank you guys!!!

October 22, 2010 at 5:59 PM
Beejay said...

Okay, you're on a roll!!!! Keep 'em coming, guys!

October 22, 2010 at 6:43 PM
Anonymous said...

What's the difference between Barack Obama and God?





God knows he isn't Barack Obama.

October 22, 2010 at 8:20 PM
drewzepmeister said...

Do you know why McDonald's doesn't serve McWeinere? Try looking at them in eye and ask for it super-sized...

October 22, 2010 at 8:39 PM
Beejay said...

Oh, Drew....chuckle, chuckle, chuckle...now a belly laugh...I want a belly laugh...

October 23, 2010 at 8:21 AM
Sassa said...

What if....Rosa Parks had a car?

October 23, 2010 at 8:47 AM
Beejay said...

Groan.....oh, Sassa!

October 23, 2010 at 10:33 AM
Anonymous said...

A little kid back in the fifties dressed up as a gun slinging cowboy does the tough cowboy strut into an ice cream parlor like he was walking into a saloon.
The clerk behind the counter was thinking how cute he looked when she asked him "May I help you?"
"Ya" the young buckeroo replied, "I wanna ice cream sunday and no funny stuff."
The clerk smiled "Carmel or hot fudge?"
"Hot fudge and lots of it" the cowboy replied.
Whipped cream?"
"Ya and don't skimp on that too."
"One or two cherries?" the clerk asked.
"Two, and put them right in the middle."
Finally the clerk asked "Do you want your nuts crushed?"
The gun slinging tyke with lightening speed pulled both of his six shooters out their holsters, pointed them at the clerk and exclaimed "You want your tits blown off lady?!"

October 23, 2010 at 11:18 AM
Beejay said...

Logjam...too funny, snicker, snicker...snort, snort!

October 26, 2010 at 7:54 AM

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)