Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my pretty penguins! How are you? Did you have a merry little Christmas, or a merry big one? Junior and I stayed home on Christmas Eve and had a very nice chat with Santa later on. I only get to see him once a year. Santa is just as jolly as they say he is. He is such a wonderful guy. Santa gave us each a present – nothing fancy, the recession has hit the North Pole, too. And then he was off in the twinkle of an eye. Ahem, let me admit here, if that man wasn’t happily married, I might make a play for him myself. Oh my!

Racine was graced with that holiday lake effect snowstorm, too. Aren’t we lucky? Thank you, Mother Nature, for your gifts.

And thank you, Green Bay Packers, for your stellar performance against the New York Giants. Aaron Rodgers was in especially fine form last Sunday. I’m overjoyed that he is back, although Matt Flynn proved himself a reliable quarterback, too. This coming Sunday our mighty Packers meet their archrivals, the Chicago Bears, at Lambeau Field. Go Pack, go on the attack! May you maul the Bears.

Just two more days till New Year’s Eve. Happy New Year to all of my wonderful Irregulars and to all of my other readers. Madame Zoltar bestows her blessing on each of you! May you prosper in the year to come and enjoy health and happiness. I love you all.

For New Year’s, I thought I would toss out a few predictions of things to expect in the months ahead. I have consulted my crystal ball carefully, and I am quite sure of the veracity of these forecasts:

1) iMoney. In a merger of government and private enterprise, the US Treasury will join with Apple to run our economy. After decades of difficulty with capitalism, our government will simply throw up its hands and say, “Let Steve Jobs run it. He always makes a profit.” My visions have not been very clear on how exactly iDollars and iCents will work, but I’m sure they will be very stylish.

2) Who’s Your President? Mr. OrbsCorbs noted in a recent comment that he thought electing our representatives through reality TV shows would be the logical progression of things. Guess what, Mr. OrbsCorbs? You are 100% correct. Who’s Your President?, of course, will only be broadcast every four seasons, but various local versions of the show (such as Who’s Your Mayor? or Who’s Your Governor?) will be broadcast as needed. Once again, it is a blending of government with private enterprise, this time the entertainment industry. Win-win for the networks and the electorate.

3) WWC: World Wrestling Congress. The WWC will start as a spin-off of the Who’s Your President?-type reality shows. After years of acrimonious debate and near constant gridlock, the members of the US Congress will join the WWC to fight legislative battles in the wrestling ring. All the conventional trappings and showmanship of professional wrestling will remain, only the wrestlers will change. Fans will be able to root on their favorite representatives at ringside or via TV. All the hokum and bunk of the US Congress will remain, too. Again, win-win. A cheap show for the networks to produce, and cheap entertainment for an involved citizenry.

4) Closer to home, I predict a major UFO event taking place in Racine. A large craft will be spotted hovering directly above City Hall. Its appearance will cause a sensation in the country, but the big news to Racine residents will be that Mayor John Dickert is an alien. On second thought, perhaps some people will not be so surprised.

5) Finally, I predict that you will send a message to madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com. In that message, you will ask about the future, and I will tell it to you.

Thank you for reading my blog this week, sweethearts. They say we’re getting our January thaw on New Year’s Eve. Watch out for flash floods, my dears. Fallaciloquence!