Those words that sound alike, but mean different things.

Okay, guys, here we go...this one came to mind as I was reading a post on Facebook.

Fourth, forth
Seated, Seeded
Fore, four (fore-fathers was the term that was meant to be used....)
Lean, lien
Seam, seem
sine, sign


Okay, you guys take it from here. Something to amuse me for the weekend.

Open Blog - Weekend Version

Tis the Season to beware!

Just riding my bike and here this signed popped up...Wasn't there yesterday...Guess someone must have seen one of the zillion gators present in Florida...duh....

This was taken at Ollie's Pond where I bike daily....this is where I see all those snakes (dead and alive). I also see ibis, egrets, osprey, a bobcat occasionally, and various other species of wildlife. No, kk, I don't just see snakes.....

Public Service Announcement

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine.. .

And those who don't and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand.


As Ben Franklin said:

In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.


In a number of carefully controlled trials,
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 litre of water each day,

At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria
Found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.


However,

We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process
Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poop,
Wine = Health .

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of shit.


There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service!

Four for Fridays

Good morning everyone! Wow! A three day weekend coming up! Isn't that great? This week's questions are about music.

1) Who is your favorite music artist?

2) Have you ever been to a concert?

3) If so, how many? when? where? who?

4) Is there any particular artist you wish to see?

Enjoy your long weekend, folks!

Swear Word Filter

http://www.noswearing.com/

It really works. No poop.

There I was, thought I was gonna die!

I am sooo beat. Worn out. I’m seriously out of shape, yet there I was again, I thought I was gonna die! The VA SCI put on a scuba diving event at a Milw. YMCA. Beforehand I was more worried about the water being too cold (actually very nice) but found my real anxiety 6’ under water when it hit me I shouldn’t be able to breathe even though I had air. Obviously I lived, but I did have to surface for a bit to lose the jitters. Have not been in a pool in 15 years. Think it will be a long time before I go again. Legs are so useless I can’t even stand with water lifting me up. At least I got out of the house and doing something.

New Seatbelt Law

A little poll about the new seatbelt law
Select all that apply

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my beautiful blossoms! How are you? I believe that someone has turned the summer switch to “on.” Hasn’t it been lovely lately? I know that the weatherman says it will rain today, but tomorrow we’re supposed to see the sun again, and more after that, with highs in the 70’s. That sounds perfect. We need the rain to foster the lush growth of spring. And we need the sunshine for the same reason. Balance. Something that many of us struggle with. Oh my.

I’m going to get on my soapbox again this week and simply ask, “Why isn’t somebody plugging our Gulf oil leak?” I have a client in the wonderful city of Milwaukee who has a terrific suggestion for stemming the flow of oil. He asks, “What did they use when the Chicago River started flooding the tunnels below the Loop?” The answer: mattresses. It’s true; they were amongst the first items shoved into the breach. My client suggests a massive mattress collection campaign, perhaps worldwide, to supply enough mattresses to sink down into the rupture in the Gulf to absorb and eventually stop the flow of oil. And I’m just irregular enough to think that it may work. Certainly nothing else has thus far. Give up your mattresses! Sleep on the floor for the environment!

I received an email this week from the esteemed Mr. Logjam. He wrote:

Greetings Dearest Madame,

As you know, our local baseball team the Brewers has not been doing well at all. I am somewhat worried and bothered by it. As you see, for my birthday party today, I am taking my 4 kids and 4 of their friends to tonight's (May 26th) game against the Astros. Not only would it be a very disappointing birthday present to see them lose, I would have also pissed away $800 bucks (plus 2 preferred parking tickets at $13 a piece) on seats behind the dugout down the drain to watch them loose. I have not fared well with the Brewers playing on my birthday. Last year, when they put the Happy Birthday list on the scoreboard, they spelled by name wrong.

Is there some kind of hocus pocus you could work on them to make them win? Like making sure the pitchers have less balls, and the batters more bangers?

Your divine and benevolent intervention would be greatly appreciated.

Yours in spiritual existence,
Logjam

Oh my, Mr. Logjam, let me be amongst the first to wish you a very Happy Birthday! May you enjoy a plethora more.

You know, fiddling around with major league sports is against federal law. That’s why it’s so much fun. Oh dear. Ha-ha. In any case, Mr. Logjam, I cannot publicly guarantee you that our beloved Brewers will perform magically for you tonight against the despised Astros, even though that is certainly what you deserve for your birthday. I can’t guarantee it here because the feds monitor my blogs. That’s right, dearies, with my connections and my abilities, it’s hard to maintain a low profile on everybody’s radar. The men in black are part of the regular irregular readers of my musings here and elsewhere.

In short, Mr. Logjam, I won’t say that the Brewers will repeat last night’s win tonight, because I can’t. But I can say that, again, I wish you a very Happy Birthday. May your birthday wishes come true. (Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.) May you and your family and friends have a wonderful night at the ballpark. Enjoy yourselves. I wouldn’t be surprised if everything went just right tonight.

I am always surprised and overwhelmed by the love and loyalty shown to me by my dear Irregulars. Thank you for reading my blog (even you G-men) and thank you for being you. I treasure our time together.

Send your confidential information and secret files to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Enjoy the splendors of spring. Pretty soon it will get “buggy” like it does every summer. I really dislike them. Mosquitoes, and flies, and ants, oh my! Pleochroism!

Open Blog - Wednesday

Is this far fetched or am I loosing it?

In KK’s blog about “Quarters” she mentioned “(now ask me about Brett Favre)”.

Last week, the end of it, I was up north of Winona, Minnesota, actually Alma, WI. The radio announcer came on and stated Brett Favre had an operation to remove some bone spurs from his ankle and that operation is the first indicator Brett is going to play one more year of football for the Vikings!!

Where do they come up with this shit????

Shut Up and Sing!

Okay, this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine that I have been wanting to blog on for a while: the lack of singing for fun that people do. I mean, it's fun, come on!

I am not talking about going out to do karaoke or something, that's performing which is different. I mean the sitting around with a guitar or piano and singing, learning the songs as needed. When I was on St. Croix, we would go over to Tom (the music teacher's) house and he would pull out some music, start playing the piano and everyone would join in. There was no pressure to be good and people who knew the songs taught those who didn't. Some people would belt out solos or start a harmony line. No pressure, just fun. Same thing when I was performing at the Ren fest...campfire time always had a guitar and tunes. Or my time in West Virginia at NRAO...boring rural place had lots of sing a long campfires.

When do we get a chance to sing...church or the national anthem at ball games? Both dreadful (but not for the reasons you are all thinking, that I am a godless atheist who hates America...while that may be true (I'll never tell) that's not why they are awful singing opportunities). Most churches (with some exceptions) and the National Anthem are examples of people trying NOT to sing, but sing as softly as they can and convince everyone around them they are singing. WTF! Belt it out! There are a few churches that get this right and actually encourage people to sing. I don't go to church, but at least I can see that they get singing can and should be fun and joyous.

I am trying to learn a little guitar...just enough so I can strum some basic tunes and get people singing. I want to do more musical improv but even some of the most fearless people onstage I know freeze up when asked to sing. You don't have to be American Idol worthy to just have fun. I mean, I would be laughable in the NBA but I can still play a pick up game of basketball and no one thinks anything of it. Participating in hobbies as an amateur is acceptable in so many areas but not singing.

Rebel...sing, have fun.

Whatever Happened to Milton E. Morris?

Milton Morris was SC Johnson's director of transportation during that big payoff scandal. The case has ended, though I believe the parties are still wrangling over settlement monies, but I can't find a thing about good old Uncle Milty, the one I predicted would never serve a minute of hard time.

Must be nice to be above the law.

Cooties

That gave me the courage to admit that I, too, have cooties.

Open Blog - Monday

Hope you have a nice day.

Kung Fu Bear

Yes, the bear is really doing that. He's an Asian black bear named Cloud. He lives in the Hiroshima City Zoo. Here is the uneditied video that the above clip was assembled from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ghgg_fukbvU

WISCONSIN FOOD PYRAMID

I guess the picture says it all...