Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my Racinesicles! How are you? Are you digging out yet? Oh my, oh my, oh my. Even I, of Zoltar® fame, would not dare to predict the total amount of snow we’re going to get from this one. Lake effect snow is notoriously fickle. In any case, I hope we have enough to satisfy the blithering and blathering weathermen and women who have been relentlessly yammering about this storm for the last 72 hours. I don’t know which is worse, the constant harping and hyperbole from the media, or the storm itself. Give it a rest, please. We live in Wisconsin. It is winter. Please inform us and then STFU. (I learned that from Junior.)

Such weather concerns are far from the minds of our illustrious Green Bay Packers as they prepare to meet the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl XLV this Sunday. As I have stated elsewhere, I predict a Packers win. No matter what happens, though, our Packers have played an extraordinary season and I congratulate them on that. They have overcome great odds to get to where they are: NFC Champs. Hail, o mighty Packers! Defeat the Steelers on Sunday! Crush their skulls and grind the dust into the field! Oh my.

Speaking of the Super Bowl, are you having a party or going to one? No, I’m not looking to crash your party; I’m just cuprous about what my Irregulars are doing on such a festive and historic occasion. I plan to watch the game on TV with Junior and some of his friends. (If they get a little too rambunctious, I just slip a pinch of Zoltar® brand Relaxium into their sodas. Zzzz….) I’m grilling brats and hot dogs on the porch, if Junior clears the snow off. We’ll also have some potato salad, some veggies, some snacks, etc., etc. Maybe a little wine for me. (Hic – oh dear.) What are you having? Where are you going? Who is going to win?

I want to comment on a local story that the Journal Times published online last Friday:

http://www.journaltimes.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/article_1632ede0-2b40-11e0-bcc0-001cc4c002e0.html

The article is entitled, “Crime rates drop in 2010 - Racine rates decline for second year in a row” and it is one of the biggest loads of crap I have read in a long, long time. I consider it terribly unfortunate that those who run this city think it is better to try to deceive our residents than it is to work with them towards solutions to our problems. I thank Racine Uncovered for publishing a response to such hogwash:

http://racineuncovered.org/?p=29333

I get so angry when someone lies to the people of my beloved Racine. Grrr! I can make you go bald.

Finally, my friends, I present a very pertinent video for your perusal, “Snow Shoveling Tips by Dr. Vogelmann:”



Chiropractors make a good buck, don’t they? I wonder if he’s single.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I hope that wherever you are, you are safe and warm. We’re having a blizzard, but who isn’t these days? I love you dear, dear readers.

Please forward your spam and threatening messages to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Listen to the dear doctor and take it easy out there today, please. If you don’t have to go out, don’t. Today would be a good day to practice navel gazing or self-hypnosis. Or maybe navel hypnosis. Réaumur!