As I Mature

I’ve learned that you cannot make
someone love you. All you can do is stalk
them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I
care, some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up
trust, and it only takes suspicion, not
proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d
better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare
yourself to others – they are more
screwed up then you think.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting
long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot
and steamy a relationship is at first, the
passion fades, and there had better be a
lot of money to take its place!

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when
something isn’t working in your house, one
of your kids did it.

I’ve learned that the people you care most
about in life are taken from you too soon
and all the less important ones just never
go away.
.