Friday, February 8, 2013
Rules Men Live By
These are our rules! Please note.. These are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!
1.Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1.. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. ...
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as FOOTBALL or motor sports
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
So many things could be said in response. So much punishment ahead. Women aren't evil; we are simply reactive to the idiotic thinking which surrounds us.
ReplyDeleteOh Boy, this is going to be fun to watch. Hope your ready Dodge Boy, I can't promise you any protection.
ReplyDeleteI agree with kk that women are not evil.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is that if you have a wife or girlfriend maybe all she would like is some attention. If you men can spend time watching your sports, working on cars, being on the computer or just simply ignoring her, then maybe spend some extra time with her.
Some women are just looking for that kind, caring and loving part of the man we love.
I sincerely don't know what the problem is. You guys just need to know that we are always right. If you don't get it, you will suffer the consequences.
ReplyDeleteGot that Dodgeboy? :}
OH COME ON AND GET REAL!!! THIS WILL BE RESPONDED TO LATER ON WHEN I HAVE TIME ....AND EXPECT THAT POUNDING YOU DESERVE... HINT HINT!!! (BTW)
ReplyDeleteObviously I should have used the "joke" font. Or maybe the "sense of humor" font.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I should have posted a warning first. CAUTION! The following material contains contains some truths, half truths, and just plain unfounded made up BS. If you have no sense of humor you WILL be offended.
Lighten the hell up. It's a joke.
I'm sure, out there floating around the internet is a list, made up by women about the rules THEY live by.
When you post it, be sure to type slow and use the "neanderthal" font so the men folk will understand.
Very funny with many half truths.
ReplyDeleteLooks like another virtual conflict brewing between us friends.
Reminds me of the old Irish saying:
We fight among ourselves because there are no other worthy opponents. Carry on kids with zing and zang, and with respect of course.
I was hacked on the last statement
ReplyDeletebecause my computer is broke...sounds a bit like me tho..
guess who did that? Some techtard.
DodgeBoy...I am as light as I can be... ar ar ar... I'M TEFLON, Baby!
Do not fear me! Paybacks are hell, tho...ar ar argh
In virtual blogging conflicts, hacking your friends I.D. is acceptable, as long it is done in good taste. Yours truly...Techtard
ReplyDeleteDodgeboy , duck quickly and run per kk 's advice .Get out of Dodge while you can.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sticking any of my body parts in a wringer.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I didn't mean to yell in my fonts. I am addressing the toilet seat. Men can be quite cruel in that dept.
ReplyDeleteFor example......they are so nice in the beginning and always put the seat back down.... Then one night it becomes too much work. Then you get up to go to the bathroom and it is very dark. You go to sit down and fall in.
For the most part, that water in there is very cold and dammit never seems to dry on your wet ass. Or if they left the seat down they missed because it was too dark and they didnt turn on the light because they were too lazy. That really NEVER does dry. The perils of being a female
waaaaaa waaaaaaa waaaaaaa, how the female gets the pearls.
ReplyDeleteWell I never got no damn pearls or nothin...
ReplyDeleteBobbing for pearls in the toilet?
ReplyDeleteValentine's Day is coming....
ReplyDeleteI am a material girl, as my pearls fell in the toilet.
But I will settle for gold. platinum, or title to some pretty machine, or even perhaps a deed.
I like lakefronts...hint hint.
FLUUUUUSSSSSH..........
VERY funny, how about a night at the hotel California?
ReplyDeleteIT WOULD BE SOOOOO WORTH YOU GOING AWAY FOR THE NIGHT...
ReplyDelete