For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K," I said, "let's do it."
"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes,
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one.
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down.
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steamrolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out
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9 comments:
Medical technology, and this Is what Women must suffer to be ONLY somewhat confident they are OK. The consequences of failure to go through this misery are even worse. I have never suffered the pain of this test, or Childbirth, and must salute all Women for caring for their health, and bearing the pain of Childbirth, not to mention the additional however many years of Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy and on and on. It's not Mothers Day, but EVERY DAY should be.
SER, BTW, Good for you for posting this poem, being a male.
Toad, with today’s technologies I cannot understand why they (the medical profession) has to smash the ladies boobies.
Why can’t they design a machine such as a board where the lady lays down on it and they hang through holes and an x-ray type machine looks through them?
They have x-ray machines in air ports where they look at your stuff right through your clothes!
It really isn't that bad. Yes, it is uncomfortable, awkward and embarrassing... but it could save your life. The worst part is that you go through this procedure, and then have to wait over a week for the results. That is unacceptable. Read the darn xrays while the patient is there. WTF?
The yearly gyn exam is worse, if you ask me. Men would not believe what goes on there nor could they tolerate that!
And where are those virtual colonoscopys they promised? If there is a less invasive way of doing something, it should be used.
Okay, I'm done ranting.
Last year a urologist did an exam of my prostate. He had his finger up my butt and did the most thorough (and painful) exam I've ever had. He went places that I didn't know existed. I almost passed out.
Orbs....did he find your remote?
No, but we're engaged now. No one does me like that without giving me a ring.
Orb's, You did It again.
KK, My wife went to the clinic here years ago, for something with NOTHING to do with the female parts. The Dr. stated to her, that he needed to do a pelvic, and she should get ready for him. He left the room, and she waited a few seconds, and also LEFT, the clinic. The point Is NO WAY was some Dr. going to do this without reason, but was told that he does It to every new female patient. She never saw the jerk again, nor Is he part of the clinic any longer.
They were talking about the new Virtual Colonoscopy two years ago. I agree with you. Where Is It?
I remember my wife having lumps, and how I was worried to death that It was cancer. I waited a week for the results, and she called me at work, when I was In the Accounting Managers office She handed me the phone, and my wife told me It was NOTHING. I cried right there on the spot. Niki, said "what's wrong" and I said "Nothing, It's just that my wife doesn't have Cancer" That's just plain wrong.
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