Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my sensuous souls!  How are you?  Are you enjoying the seesaw weather?  We go from broiling to chilly and back again.  Up and down, up and down, up and down.  It’s dizzying.  It’s also nauseating.  Still, I like the cool nights.  August lies ahead.  That’s when the broiling becomes nuclear and frying an egg on the pavement becomes possible. 

Racine’s County Fair starts today and runs through Sunday.  Check out   http://www.racinecountyfair.com/.  I’m a sucker for the demo derbies.  Road ragers should enter demo derbies to release their pent up anger and aggression.  Every year, I want to enter the derby, but Señor Zanza objects, for safety reasons.  He’s afraid that a celebrity driver like me would be a target for the other drivers.  Junior, of course, wants me to enter.  Actually, he wants to enter himself, but he doesn’t have a license or a vehicle.  He talks about riding with me, but I don’t think that the rules allow passengers.  I’m more than capable of holding my own in a demo derby because that’s how I normally drive.  Oh my.

I assume that you’ve all heard about the royal birth and baby.  It would be hard not to.  My best wishes for a healthy and long life for the baby boy and his parents.  I can’t say that I am a big fan of royalty because of the way that the aristocracy treated gypsies in my homeland.  At least Britain’s monarchy is more or less a figurehead.  I don’t think that the current crop of nobility can condemn people to torture and death.  That must take a lot of the fun out of it.  What good is it being king if you can’t say, “Off with his head!” 

The recent triathlon in Racine made me think, why can’t we have a similar challenge/race for people who are out of shape?  I’m glad that someone won the triathlon and I’m sure they worked very hard for it.  Yet, the average person in Racine is not a triathlete, or even an athlete.  The average person is probably a little overweight and sedentary.  It’s difficult for most of us to identify with the triathletes because we’re fat slobs.  If you want us to cheer someone on, give us other fat slobs.  We can relate to them.  We could have kringle eating contests and a Fattest Slob Contest.  At North Beach, we can see which contestant displaces the most water.  The Slobathlon would have to be a mile or less.  For those with personal mobility scooters, we could have races.  (Maybe a demo derby?)  It would be fun for everyone.    

Mr. OrbsCorbs contacted me regarding his troubles with the cable company.  I asked him to calm down, but he didn’t.  I finally had to dose him with elixir.  That quieted him.  He takes his sense of right and wrong so seriously.  I refused to produce the psychic atomic bomb that he wanted me to direct at his perceived enemies.  I told him that is kind of overdoing it.  I suggested meditation to Mr. Corbs to calm his nerves.  Ranting about injustices just gives them more power over him.   “Living well is the best revenge.”

Thank you, my sweets, for visiting my blog today.  I always appreciate your input concerning my output.  You are dear friends and I love you very much.

What does the cable company do with all of that money?  madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com 

Summer continues.  Enjoy the season and enjoy yourselves.  It’s time for relaxing and fun.  Get out there and get some.  Stay cool and stay hydrated.  And stay out of Lake Michigan if it rained recently. Ventripotent!