Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my frostbit brothers and sisters!  How are you?  I know, the same as last week and the week before: cold.  We’ve been getting arctic blasts regularly.  I hope the new year scares off the chilly weather.

Happy New Year!  My, how the time flies when you’re not having fun.  2013 appears to have been a stinker for a lot of folks who won’t miss it when it’s gone.  Here’s to the hope for a better year in 2014!  I raise a toast to my fellow Irregulars and the future!  May health and happiness be yours!  Bottoms up!

Our stentorian Green Bay Packers have given us even more reason to celebrate.  They defeated the ignominious Chicago Bears this Sunday past to win the NFC Northern Division Championship.  They did so with the aid of the ever-manly Mr. Aaron Rodgers, who is not gay, but it wouldn’t matter if he was.  This coming Sunday, our Green and Gold Gladiators take on the effeminate San Francisco 49ers in a wild-card playoff game.  Talk about gay: a team of muscular, sweaty men from San Francisco.  Need I say more?  Clobber them, Packers, and their mincing ways!  Show then what real he-men can do!

I don’t have any formal New Year’s resolutions.  My general hope is to increase my wealth while taking care of my health.  Of course, as a service industry, psychics are dependent upon their customers, who in turn are dependent upon their jobs or other sources of income.  When those jobs go away and those sources of income dry up, psychics are liable to “go away,” too. 

When economic times are bad, many people turn to their psychics first in hopes of receiving personal predictions of prosperity.  This causes a slight surge in our business, but if things don’t improve quickly, people stop seeking psychic help and turn to booze and drugs instead.  I wish whatever secret society runs the world would give us a break economically.  Leave a few crumbs for a working gal.

My predictions for 2014:

ice

snow

green

sun

heat

cooling

gray

cold

My predictions for the Irregulars:

love

love

love

For everybody:

Thank you for starting off your New Year with me.  I’m feeling the love.  I hope you feel it, too.

Is he or isn’t he?  Only Madame Zoltar knows for sure: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

Be careful in the subzero temperatures we’re experiencing.  Dress appropriately and wear a hat.  Dress in layers, my dears, like a Danish layer cake.  Mmm, now I’m craving pastries.  Pancosmism!