Dear Madame Zoltar

Dear Ms. Tender Heart Bear: No, I was not getting my kidneys checked.  But maybe I should.  When I go to the doctor, he has a bone through his nose and lots of little figurines.  He dances and shakes some powder on me (achoo) and talks in some gibberish I don't understand.  Then he pronounces me cured and holds out his hand for payment.

Hmm.  Maybe that's the way I should do business (minus the bone in the nose).  Dance around, shout some gibberish, sprinkle salt and pepper on the client, and pronounce him/her well done.  Demand immediate payment.  If he/she balks, ask if he/she has a pet.  "Not anymore," you then say.

Well, the weather has been less than delightful, but we've already had a few marvelous days. The seesaw of spring.  I hope you enjoyed those days and I hope we have many more to come.  The winter was mild.  That always makes me feel like we'll pay for it in the spring or summer.  One thing is for sure: warmer winter means more bugs.  Best to keep one's mouth shut this summer.

"The boys" (Señor Zanza and Junior) have been cleaning up the yard a little.  It's been too wet to do much.  The farmers can't get out into their fields to plant.  Why do we always refer to the farmers when we refer to weather?  Who started that?  I remember it since chilhood.  Then there's the Farmer in the Dell, but that's a whole 'nother story.  Actually. farm work is very hard.  That is, if you're doing the farm work and not some machine.

I haven't checked on our criminal Mayor's latest hijinks, but I'm sure they're something to behold.  We're getting close to the Ten Year Plan's completion.  Absolutely nothing has been done other than all the members of the "club" have been given monies in various ways.  Our monies.  They're stealing it in broad daylight.  Gee, I wish I was one of John Dickert's friends.  I could use the money.

Congratulations, Mr. OrbsCorbs, on your recent kidney gain.  I've been praying for you.  Keep up the positive vibe and you'll be surprised how far you go.  Maybe you'll even grow new kidneys.

When you need help, ask madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com 

Thank you so much for reading my blog this week.  I love you all.