Open Blog - Weekend

So am I, with or without the kiss.

"ELDERS REACT TO RAMMSTEIN (German Metal Band)"

"Johnny Depp: 'When was the last time an actor assassinated a president?'"

"Last month, it was comedian Kathy Griffin's infamous beheaded Donald Trump photo that pit the president's supporters against Hollywood.

"Now it appears that another Tinseltown figure, actor Johnny Depp, has entered the fray, making controversial comments about assassinating the commander in chief.

"While at the Glastonbury Festival on Thursday in the English county of Somerset, Depp brought up the president prior to introducing his 2004 film, 'The Libertine.'

"'Can we bring Trump in?' Depp says to the crowd, which responds with widespread boos, according to videos of the remarks. 'No, no, no. You misunderstand completely. I think he needs help. And this is going to be in the press and it'll be horrible. But I like that you are all part of it. When was the last time an actor assassinated a president? I want to clarify: I'm not an actor. I lie for a living however it's been a while. Maybe it's about time.'

"It's possible that Depp was referencing actor John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated President Abraham Lincoln in 1865.

"In a statement to ABC News, the Secret Service said: 'We actively monitor open source reporting, including social media networks, and we evaluate potential threats. For security reasons, we cannot discuss specifically nor in general terms the means and methods of how we perform our protective responsibilities.'

"ABC News has asked both Depp's publicist and the White House for comment."

From:  http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/johnny-depp-time-actor-assassinated-president/story?id=48227090

Four for Fridays!

I can not believe it is Friday already the week has gone by so fast. It has been a rainy week and with the humidity does not help. Here are your questions.

1) Do you have any vacation plans this summer?

2) Are you ready for this summer with the heat and humidity?

3) In the summer do you drive your car with the windows open or the a/c on?

4) Are you planning on going to any of the festivals this summer?

Have a great weekend!

Open Blog - Friday

Fish fry day.

Open Blog - Thursday

Have a good day, Irregulars.

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, kiddos!  Welcome o the late edition of Dear Madame Zoltar.  I've had a busy day.  As I write this, someone is cutting grass outside.  The noise of the machines is intolerable.  It's rained on and off over the past week, including this morning.  The grass is too wet to cut properly, but these lawn care guys gotta make a buck.

Today's the first day of summer.  What the heck happened o spring?  All I remember is a blur of cold and wet.  Soon, downtown Racine will have festivals for every possible reason.  I'll celebrate when Mr. Mayor lying John abdicates.  Mayor Connolly has shown her brass and should, I think, stand atop this stinking mess of a city as it goes down.  I believe that that is what she was hired for, as well as providing another layer of protection between lying John and the electorate.  There's nothing more fearful to an elected person than some damn citizen going off on one thing or another.

We've had some beautiful displays of flower power throughout the city.  I think that's because of all the rain.  Get out and look around before it's too late.  The spring flowering plants are just gorgeous.

And drive carefully through all this rain.  A wet road can be difficult to negotiate.  I've heard that wet leaves can be more slippery than ice.  You know who you are out there.  You're the idiots that spoil driving for everyone else.  I hope you "meet" one another at high speed very soon!

On the Interstate, I do all I can to not drive in packs.  I hate the feeling of being surrounded by drivers of unknown abilities.  I'll slow down and let them pass.  It seems, though, that no mater what I do, a pack catches up with me or slows down to my speed.  I don't want to suffer any damage due to the stupidity of an other.

Once again, I call on our governmental leaders to slap Kim Jong Un in the face.  He's a spoiled brat who's begging to be taken down a notch or two.  If China grumps, let them.  They could use a little deflating, too.

That's it, gang.  I'm running so late that I give you a half-baked blog.  Sorry.

Contact me; madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

I love you all.  Remember to help and take care of each other.  When you do that, previously locked doors open.

Open Blog - First Day of Summer

May the festivities start!

"Run-DMV"

From the Shepherd Express:

By Art Kumbalek

 

 

 I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh man manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, if you’re a cheap-ass like me who may be looking for free focking things to do indoors during the hellacious days of summertime, you may consider a stroll over to your nearest Motor Department of the Vehicles and take the test you have to write with a pencil like I did the other day when the thermometer mercury read like Mercury.

And if you do, you’re in for a surprise ’cause I tell you’s, it sure as hell isn’t the test I remembered from the last time I flunked it way back when only foreigners drove foreign cars. They’ve made it damn difficult, I kid you not. Yes, I understand our great state hankers for a higher educational standard for all Dairyland school kids, but I think they’re getting a little radical extremist when they expect these standards to carry over to a test for driving, for christ sakes.

For example, I thought I did alright on the matching section only to find out later I’d mixed up the Treaty of Ghent with the Treaty of Nystad, what the fock. And essay questions? You got to be jerking my beefaroni. That’s the kind of thing you expect from the government when you take the test to be ambassador to Timbuk-focking-tu or somewheres, not when all you want to be is legal so’s to drive down to the 7-Eleven for a six-pack and hot dog, ain’a?

For the essays, you could choose from one of three questions: “Compare and contrast the Neolithic Revolution with the Counter-Reformation”; “Describe in detail your favorite color”; and “Which is preferable: drinking and driving, or, drinking while driving.”

That last question I thought was easy for me. I explained how messy and potentially dangerous it was to try to mix a proper bourbon Manhattan while behind the wheel. Common sense, then, would suggest that you have a couple, three before you drive. Guess what? Yeah, I flunked. But big focking deal. The DMV air conditioning was free, and besides, I haven’t owned a car that moved since 1976, so what the fock.

As for things that might cost some dough that you can do outdoors during the hellacious days of summertime, you might ask me about this Summerfest shebang coming up. And my answer would be “no,” you won’t see me down by there. That truth is best expressed by a formula as elegant and funda-focking-mental as any of Einstein’s concoctions: nbt + ntt x tmgdm = nAK (sfe). To the nonmathematical layman, it reads thusly: “no bourbon tent plus no topless tent multiplied by too much god damn music equals no Art Kumbalek (so fock ’em.)”

Speaking of free, here’s a couple little stories maybe you could share with your freeloading relatives and assorted hangers-on when they come by you’s on the Fourth of July right-around-the-corner to watch fireworks and drink all your beer:

This guy got into a bad bicycle accident and his “manhood” got mangled and torn from his body, for which he got a nice settlement from the insurance company. So he goes to one of these newfangled guy clinics and the doctor assures him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, and that the cost would be $3,500 for “small,” $6,500 for “medium,” and $14,000 for “large.” The guy was sure he’d want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.

So the guy calls the wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room and found the man looking like he just lost his best friend. Doctor says, “Well sir, what have you and the wife decided?” And the guy says, “She’d rather use the money to remodel the kitchen.”
A chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer were on death row wouldn’t you know, waiting to take a seat on the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first.

“Do you have anything you want to say?” asked the executioner, strapping him in.

“Can’t think of anything,” the chemist said. The executioner flicked the switch and nothing happened. Under state law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner is to be released, so the chemist was set free. Then the biologist was brought forwards. “Do you have anything you want to say?” the executioner asked. The biologist said “No, just get on with it.”

The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the biologist was released. Then the electrical engineer was brought forwards. “Do you have anything you want to say?” asked the executioner. “I do,” answered the engineer. “You see, if you swap the red and the blue wires over, you just might make this thing work, I kid you not.”

Ba-ding-a-ding-ding! ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.
From: http://shepherdexpress.com/article-29933-run-dmv.html

WiGWAG

From Wisconsin Gazette:

Lisa Neff and Louis Weisberg, Staff writers Updated Jun 15, 2017

When Trump sees green

At home and abroad, governments ordered buildings to be lit green on the night after Donald Trump bowed out of the Paris climate accord. We’re wondering what Donald Trump thought of all the green lights? Did he think they were a tribute to U.S. currency?

Headwear

A Chandler, Arizona, man has finally gotten his wish: a driver’s license featuring a photo of him wearing a colander. Sean Corbett is a “Pastafarian” who belongs to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He told the Arizona Republic that he was trying to help people of other religions obtain the right to wear headwear, such as a hijab or a turban, in official photos.

Pornographic leadership

A documentary critical of top Russian officials was uploaded to the adult video site PornHub after a Russian court ruled against its creator, anti-corruption blogger Alexey Navalny and ordered him to take it down. The video, which alleges corruption among top officials, ran under the title “Russian Corrupted Politician F***ed Hard.” Navalny was arrested June 12 to keep him from an anti-Putin demonstration.

Banned in Lebanon

Lebanon announced that it has “taken all necessary action” to ban the critically acclaimed blockbuster Wonder Woman from being shown in the nation. Why? Star Gal Gadot is Israeli.

Google has trouble with Wisconsin

A study conducted by Google found that the most frequently misspelled word in Wisconsin is “Wisconsin.” It then backtracked and said that “tomorrow” was the state’s problem word. It then reversed itself again and stood by its original claim. Maybe we’ll know more “tommorow.”

Only in Utah

Chris Sevier filed a lawsuit against the state of Utah arguing that if same-sex couples have the right to marry, he should be allowed to tie the knot with his 2011 Apple MacBook. Utah’s attorney general dismissed the suit, saying there’s no constitutional right for such a marriage. And, he added, “… unless Sevier’s computer has attained the age of 15, it is too young to marry under Utah law.”

Invasion of the knees

Along with signs for “no smoking” or “no littering,” commuters in Madrid will soon see a new one on buses: No manspreading. “Manspreading” refers to some men’s habit of spreading their legs so wide that they intrude on the personal space of people sitting next to them.

No More Dawa

A New Jersey convenience store is changing its name from Dawa because of a lawsuit filed by Wawa, the growing convenience store chain based in Pennsylvania. Wawa has more than 700 stores in six states and filed a trademark infringement suit against Dawa in Paterson, New Jersey, earlier this year. Dawa said its name comes from a Korean ward for “come in” or “welcome.” Wawa, which is derived from the Lenape tribe’s word for the Canada goose, said it was protecting its brand.

Driven to shut the windows

One sign in a neighborhood in Tiverton, Rhode Island, reads, “Honk if it stinks.” And apparently there is a stench in the community because a property owner paved a road surface with uncleaned shells containing the remains of clams. Maggots followed. Complaints resulted in a city building department order to cease and desist and an investigation by the state Department of Environmental Management.

No room to talk

The combustible Sean Hannity combusted over a story from The Onion headlined, “Hundreds of Miniature Sean Hannitys Burst from Roger Ailes’ Corpse.” Hannity rushed out a tweet lamenting the lack of civility on “the left.” Hundreds of tweeters reminded Hannity of all the crass, defamatory, dehumanizing insults he’d leveled at the Obamas.

Golden Gate gallop

About two dozen horses escaped their stable in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park June 7. The San Francisco Recreation and Park department said some of the horses made their way to a dog park while others roamed the green grasses of the park before they were corralled and returned to the stables.

Cheers to Comey

Bars across the nation hosted parties June 8 for viewers who wanted to watch fired FBI Director James Comey testify before the Senate Intelligence Committee — and then the recaps, the analysis and more analysis. Bartenders were serving up shots of Russian vodka, “COVFEFE” cocktails and impeachment martinis during what was billed as the D.C. Super Bowl. In Washington, some bars opened early, including Shaw’s Tavern, which served an FBI breakfast special of French toast, bacon and ice cream, and the Partisan bar near the National Mall, which served “The Last Word” and “Drop the Bomb” cocktails. Anyone for an Impeachment?

From http://www.wisconsingazette.com/blogs/wigwag-spelling-wisconsin-a-pastafarian-driver-s-license-photo-and/article_5773ac04-51e0-11e7-af88-17f28af15804.html

Open Blog - Tuesday

I didn't know Happy Tuesday was a location.

"Racine man charged with animal mistreatment"

http://racineuncovered.org/2017/06/racine-man-charged-with-animal-mistreatment/

Pieces of shit like this guy should be thrown into the lion's cage at the zoo.

Open Blog - Monday

Is that more like it?

Happy Father's Day

Thanks, Dad, for feeding me.