"How to stay out of jail after a defensive shooting."

"High Blood Pressure – Take Control"

My Boyfriend's Black

He went away and you hung around
And bothered me, every night
And when I wouldn't go out with you
You said things that weren't very nice

My boyfriend's black and you're gonna be in trouble
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's black)
 

You see him comin' better cut out on the double
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's black)
You been spreading lies that I was untrue
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's black)
So look out now 'cause he's comin' after you

He's been gone for such a long time
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's black)
Now he's black and things'll be fine
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's black)
You're gonna be sorry you were ever born
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's black)
'Cause he's kinda big and he's awful strong
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's b;ack)

(You're a big man now but he'll cut you down to size
(Wait and see)

My boyfriend's black he's gonna save my reputation
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's black)
If I were you I'd take a permanent vacation
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's black)

Yeah, my boyfriend's black (La-day-la, my boyfriend's back)
Look out now, yeah, my boyfriend's back (La-day-la, my boyfriend's black)
I could see him comin' so you better get a runnin' alright now (La-day-la, my boyfriend's black)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (La-day-la, my boyfriends's black)
My boyfriend's black now (La-day-la, my boyfriend's black)
Know he's comin' after you because he knows I've been true now (La-day-la, my boyfriend's black)

"13 Unusual Facts About Females That Are Totally True"

"Elizabeth Banks on Penis Size"

"WISN 12 Editorial: Foxconn should be held to same standards as others"

Open Blog - Weekend

Happy week, too.

Four for Fridays!

Hello everyone! Just Drew here.... THB is off making breakfast, I'm here just browsing around.... So I figure -why not.... I'll take over Four for Fridays this week Anyways yer questions...

1) When was the last time you got caught in the rain?

2) Do you do any gardening? If so, what's in your garden?

3) What place do you find outrageously expensive?

4) When was the last road trip you took?

Enjoy your weekend!

"May I have my Cigarettes please, Nurse Ratched ?"

"10 Weird Cat Behaviors Explained"

Open Blog - Friday

Here comes the weekend.

"9 Riddles Only People with High IQ Can Solve"

I solved only one, and I think I have an answer to the last one: the guy just has to step off of the board to send his assailant down the tubes.

"What Makes Sleep Paralysis So Terrifying?"

I've never experienced this.  Once I'm asleep, I'm down for the count, except to pee.

"Pearl always was the cool grandma"

http://knuckledraggin.com/2018/05/pearl-always-was-the-cool-grandma/

"10 Criminals Who Were Actually The Good Guys"

Anonymous is our friend.

Open Blog - Thursday

Have a good one.

"Afroman - Because I Got High"

False Alarm at Goodland School

Gee, maybe I can get a job at the Journal Times.  At the very least, they should run Madame Zoltar's blog.  $50 dollars a week for a Mme. Z.column aimed at JT readers.  orbcorbs@wi.rr.com

"'Wisconsin will push back': Walker administration responds to threat of lawsuit"

RICARDO TORRES ricardo.torres@journaltimes.com

9 hrs ago 

MADISON — To countersue or not to countersue: That is the question Gov. Scott Walker is asking after Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan said she planned on filing a lawsuit challenging the Environmental Protection Agency regarding Foxconn.

According to a Tuesday news report, Walker openly talked about the possibility of filing a countersuit against Illinois.

To be clear, Madigan has not filed a lawsuit against the EPA but she has made her disagreement with that federal agency known.

Read more:  http://journaltimes.com/news/local/wisconsin-will-push-back-walker-administration-responds-to-threat-of/article_6b39f812-7965-51ab-b1a6-ba4da8ea98cc.html#tracking-source=home-top-story

News of the Weird: May 10, 2018

From The Shepherd Express: 

by Editors at Andrews McMeel Syndication

May 08, 2018

3:22 p.m.

This Castle Rocks!

In the tony Denver suburb of Castle Rock, Colo., residents on Avery Way are in a tizzy about the Thunderstorm Play Palace—a 7,500-square-foot home where, neighbors told KDVR-TV, the owner invites swinging couples and singles to gather for wild sex parties. Invitees must make a “donation” ($70 for couples and single men; $20 for single women), and the parties include drinks, snacks and potluck dishes. On the invitation, guests were asked to bring their own condoms and show respect for the “new furniture.” The host is a married father of three who feels harassed by the neighborhood, but he counters that he’s taken steps to be discreet, including installing soundproofing and making sure “there are no open areas.” But neighbors claim they hear “disturbing sounds” coming from the house. “You can hear people doing what they’re doing,” one resident told reporters. Castle Rock Police say the man is not breaking the law because he’s only taking donations, and the activities are contained to his home.

Fifty Shades of Neustadt

Police officers in the German town of Neustadt were called to an apartment building on Wednesday, April 25, after reports of screaming led neighbors to suspect domestic violence, The Daily Mail reported. Instead, they found a couple receiving instruction in the Japanese art of Shibari (erotic bondage) from the apartment’s tenant. “Shibari” translates as “the beauty of tight binding.” In an official statement regarding their investigation, the police reported the couple were “well and in a good mood,” even asking the officers if they’d like to join in; alas, they had to decline.

Bathing Gone Weird

- Evelyn Washington, 29, broke then crawled through a window in a Monroe, La., home on Tuesday, April 17, then settled into a warm bath—along with a bag of Cheetos within reach on an adjacent toilet lid. The Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported that, when the homeowner returned from work around 5 p.m., she called police, who quickly arrived and removed Washington to the Ouachita Correctional Center, where she told them “an unknown male told her to break into the victims’ residence.”
- On Wednesday, April 4, a homeowner in Stoke-on-Trent, England, returned home to discover a man bathing in his tub and enjoying a cup of Oxo (broth), according to the BBC. When police arrived, the 36-year-old naked man tried to flee but was caught and arrested. As the incredulous homeowner later complained: “He ate my crisps, had five rounds of corned beef and sauce, ate a jar of pickles, had two ice creams and a can of Coke!”

What’s in a Name?

A Planet Fitness customer in Saginaw Township, Mich., was alarmed on Sunday, April 15, when he located a Wi-Fi network named “Remote Detonator” while searching for an available connection. The gym manager evacuated the building and called police, who brought in a bomb-sniffing dog and declared the facility safe after a three-hour shutdown. Saginaw Township Police Chief Donald Pussehl told mlive.com that people often choose odd names for their Wi-Fi networks, adding that one on his own street is called “FBI surveillance van.”

The Long Arm of the Law

In October 1981, Stephen Michael Paris escaped from the Jess Dunn Correctional Center in Muskogee, Okla., where he had been serving a nine-year sentence for drug possession and distribution. Using the name Stephen Chavez, Paris managed to evade authorities until April 12, when investigators tracked him down at an office in Houston, where he was working. Paris was mentioned in his mother’s obituary—using his alias, the Associated Press reported, and after confirming his identity with fingerprints, the U.S. Marshals Service returned him to custody—nearly 37 years after his escape.

Jaywalkers Getting Hosed!

Jaywalkers, beware: The city of Daye, in Hubei Province, China, has installed water sprayers and an electronic screen at a crosswalk to stop people from crossing on a red light. Five pylons were placed along the road on Monday, April 16, China Daily reported—three of which identify offenders using sensors and then spray them with water if they attempt to cross against the light. Other pylons “photograph people crossing against red lights,” explained Wan Xinqiang of the Daye public security bureau, and “a large electronic screen at the intersection will instantly display their photos.”

© 2018 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

From: https://shepherdexpress.com/news/news-of-the-weird/news-of-the-weird-may-10-2018/#/questions

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello my sweety pies and sour pusses!  How are you?  How about that weather yesterday?  I had all of my windows open and even spent some time resting in our yard (so nicely manicured by my boys).  Today is for poop [it's supposed to rain], but that's the beauty of weather.  If you don't like it, stick around; it will change.  That's what "they" say.  "They" seem to say a lot, but I don't hear most of it.  I'm too busy with my family and career to listen to gossip.

Well, Foxconn lost their largest account, Apple, and now the monstrosity they're building out west may be obsolete by the time it's completed.  This whole deal stinks.  We've given away a billion dollars for promises.  Remember Pearl Harbor.

Well, some poor patron of the Ivanhoe in downtown was stripped of his pants and his money.  Of course, this is "normal" and not an indication that downtown has become a drunken brawl at night.  Put a cop in front of every drinking establishment.  People will sober up real quick.  Yes, a policeman out from hiding in his car and actually standing on the street.  Oh my!  It will never happen.  It would give the "wrong impression."  Better let people be robbed and beaten than admit to a problem.  It's the Racine way.  Ignore a problem until it becomes so big that you can't ignore it.  Then blame it on somebody else.

Where does all the money come from?  Mr. Ex-mayor Dickert peed away hundreds of millions of our tax dollars.  Now Foxconn is the next to suckle at the teat of corporate welfare.  They've been given everything but the capitol dome.  They make Mr. Ex-mayor Dickert look like a piker. So, where does all the money come from?  Go before the Common Council for any proposal that costs money and you're likely to be turned down for budgetary reasons.  But there's always a few million laying around for cronies.  It seems to me that Foxconn has been promised more money than exists in the entire state.  Perhaps we need a new state: Foxconnsin.

Where does all the money come from?  I wish I could conjure up as much.  I'm in the wrong profession.  I should have been a politician.  Then I could lie like hell, steal a ton of money, and still be re-elected.  I bet you I would have had a better shot at the presidency than Hillary.  But remember, she won the election but lost to the Electoral College.  If those sons of bitches tried to take away my victory, I'd turn them all into toads.  It says, "We the people . . .," not "We the Electoral College. . ."  Just more corruption at the highest levels of government.  If your government is crooked, how can you stay honest?

Mr. Trump is finding himself more and more isolated on the world stage.  His lies will destroy him.  Someone asked me yesterday, "Do you think Trump will win a second term?"  Heck, I'll be surprised if he finishes this one.  What will be left to chew up?  Maybe he could televise a second term and make a complete mockery of the presidency.  He can charge millions for the commercials.  That would be a money maker.

Here's a cute little video:

So Iran still might become a nuclear power.  What is Mr. Trump's purpose in the Middle East?  To expedite a nuclear holocaust?

That's enough ranting and raving.  Whenever I talk politics, I end up worked up.  It's not worth it.  Nothing will change, so just focus on my little life and leave the heavy duty work to the "professionals."  (Professional crooks.)  No matter, I love you and all of my readers and I thank you for reading my scribbling each week.  I care about you and want to hear what you have to say.  There's a comment section below.

madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com 

Enjoy the good weather while it lasts and then rest on days like this.  Take care of yourselves, Irregulars.  We never know when we may be needed, so pay heed to my warnings.  Most importantly, love one another.  If you can't, then fake it.  
_ _____________________________ 
Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis 
If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

Open Blog - Wednesday

Cute.

"Coo Coo Ca-Choo"

From The Shepherd Express:

by Art Kumbalek

May 08, 2018

3:18 p.m.

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So yeah, the current crop of Pulitzer Prizes got passed around the other week and wouldn’t you know, once again yours truly stands empty-handed, me-oh my-oh. But let me tell you’s, I never got into this racket, lo those many years ago, to be rich and famous, and so far I got to say that deal has been mucho simpatico, what the fock.
So anyways, I got to go and get ready for the Mother’s Day coming up, the day we celebrate the lady from whom we all traveled within so as to enter out into this world as we know it. And I’m guessing many Americans might not have the extra couple, three bucks so as to present mom with a bunch of flowers, box of candy, new doilies, brunch, Sunday afternoon trip to the zoo, evening at the nightclub featuring the Chippendales, what the fock. So how ’bout you present her with the gift of laughter on her special day?
Go for it. Here’s a couple, three little stories you can use no matter what the circumstance of your get-together be:
At a major medical convention a noted internist arose to announce that he had discovered a new miracle antibiotic. “What’s it cure?” a member of the audience asked. “Nothing we don’t already have a drug for,” the internist replied.
“Well then what’s so miraculous about it?” another asked. Internist said, “One of the side effects is short-term memory loss. Several of my patients have paid my bill three or four times.” Ba-ding!
Or how ’bout this one:
So this little kid saunters into his parents’ bedroom one night and sees his mom on top of his pop bouncing up and down. The mom notices her son, quickly rolls over and covers herself, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and seeks to find him. The kid asks, “What were you and dad doing?”
Mother replies, “You know your dad has a big tummy and, well, sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it.” The kid says, “You’re wasting your time, mom. Whenever you go out shopping, the lady next door comes over, gets on her knees and blows it right back up.” Oh, boy. Ba-ding!
And who doesn’t enjoy a “Mommy, Mommy!” zinger?
“Mommy, mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?”
“Shut up, you’ll wake your father.” Yikes. Ba-ding!
Yes sir, or how ’bout these chestnuts?
The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, “What did you learn today?” The kid replies, “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.” Ba-ding!
So Grandpa’s driving with his third-grade granddaughter and beeps the horn by mistake. The little girl turns and looks at him and he says, “I did that by accident.” She says, “I know that, Grandpa.” He asks her how she knew and she says, “Because you didn't say ‘asshole!’ afterwards.” Ba-ding!
Here’s one you could share with mom along with a nice apéritif before dinner:
Little boy’s in the living room playing Amtrak with his new electric-train set. From the kitchen, the mom hears the train stop and her son say, “All you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now ’cause this is the last stop. All you fockers who are getting on, get your asses onboard ’cause we’re leaving.”
The mom can’t believe what she just heard, rushes into the living room and scolds her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now go to your room for the next two hours and when you come back down, you can play with your train as long as you use proper language.”
Two hours later, the boy starts playing with his train again. From the kitchen, she hears the train stop and the boy say, “All passengers disembarking, please remember to take all your belongings. We thank you for riding with us and we hope your trip was a pleasant one. For those just boarding, please stow your hand luggage under the seat and enjoy your trip. For those of you pissed off about the two-hour delay, please see the focking bitch in the kitchen.” Ba-ding!
And don’t forget you can always spring for a nice riddle, such as: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink? Hey, ’cause alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Ba-ding! ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

From: https://shepherdexpress.com/advice/art-kumbalek/coo-coo-ca-choo/

"Menards pitchman Ray Szmanda dies"

Holding up a paint brush or package of batteries or excitedly extolling the virtues of a line of new sinks or cans of varnish, Ray Szmanda sold untold hammers, saws, drills and lumber to Menards customers throughout Wisconsin for years.

In a way, he was the guru of home remodeling projects even though he was not particularly handy.

Szmanda, 91, died Sunday at his Antigo home.

Read more: https://www.jsonline.com/story/news/obituaries/2018/05/07/ray-szmanda-sold-countless-tubs-sinks-and-paint-menards-customers/587854002/

THANK GOD!  I hated his damn commercials.  I changed the station when they came on.

Open Blog - Tuesday

Nice fish, pussycat.

Open Blog - Monday

Shush!  Don't aggravate the beast.

"CNN Hero Cathy Heying: Beneath 'The Lift'"

The Lift has a webpage:https://www.theliftgarage.org/

Having worked in auto repair, I'm amazed that this place exists.  She should start franchises.  How the hell they exist on $15 @ hour labor charge is beyond me.  And selling parts at cost?  I was taught to double the cost in estimates.

I think one of the biggest motivators toward larceny in auto repair is that it's so damn easy.   Kudos to Cathy Heying for keeping it very real.