I Would Never Advise Anyone to Invest in Bitcoin

 

I give a lot of health and fitness advice. In fact, I’m working on a big diet article, which will be an update of my previous work in the field. There is nothing more joyful to me than hearing from readers who have lost weight using my programs.

I also advise people to become more religious and more spiritual, and to form a real relationship with Jesus Christ.

I advise people to show self-respect by wearing nice clothes and engaging in good hygiene and grooming.

I advise people to stay away from drugs – especially marijuana, opioids and other dangerous and addictive drugs, but also relatively harmless drugs like cocaine. I also advise people to be reasonable with their alcohol intake, while avoiding the Alcoholics Anonymous cult (“alcoholism” is not a disease, it is a behavior pattern).

I advise people not to listen to depressing music, and instead choose Motown, video game soundtracks or classical music.

I advise people against trusting women, and to never “fall in love,” and always be ten steps ahead of any bitch you are sexually involved with, ready to drop her at a moment’s notice. I advise that men keep all of their money secret, and always have a clear exit strategy for when things go south (and they will always go south, because women love destroying families).

While watching that bitch like a hawk and being ready to dip, I also advise people to be fruitful and multiply. Figure out ways that you can keep your children and protect them when that bitch eventually decides to dynamite your life. Don’t kill her – it’s not worth the prison time, which will ruin your children – instead figure out ways to manipulate her into killing herself or doing things that will cause the court to side with you.

I advise people to forgive their mothers and work through any anger issues they might have, because anger is a feminine and pathetic emotion carried by low quality men who lack self-control.

I advise people to never talk to the feds, under any circumstances, no matter what.

I advise people not to be openly and publicly involved with far-right politics, and to instead work within the framework of local politics without going full Nazi.

Above all, I advise people to move out of the cities.

The one thing I will never give is financial advice.

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