To the woman who crapped her pants in my car...

We met on Craigslist, so I am hoping this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at Buffalo Wild Wings sharing the basket of hot wings while drinking Chili Beer. I really felt like there wasa connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said, "First dates are always a crap shoot, call me" was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did was very memorable. It happened when I was 5 and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing, on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat.

What I am trying to say is, if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,