Sometime this year, we taxpayers will "again" receive an Economic Stimulus payment. This is a very exciting program.
I'll explain it using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers..
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of Asia ?
A. Shut up or you don't get your check.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:
1 If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, your money will go to China .
2 If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to Saudi Arabia .
3 If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
4 If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico,
Honduras and Guatemala .
5 If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
6 If you purchase useless plastic stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
7 If you pay off your credit cards, or buy stock, it will go to pay
management bonuses and be hidden in offshore accounts.
Instead, you can keep the money in America by:
1 spending it at yard sales or flea markets, or
2 going to baseball or football games, or
3 hiring prostitutes, or
4 buying cheap beer or
5 getting tattoos.
These are the only wholly-American-owned businesses
still operating in the US .
Conclusion:
The best way to stimulate the economy is to go to a ball game with a
prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day until you're drunk
enough to go get tattooed.
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8 comments:
It's not even funny anymore. The US capitalist system has been destroyed in the name of capitalism. I was web window shopping computers the other day. HP makes computers in Mexico and China for sale in the US and Canada. What kind of jobs are the US and Canadian people supposed to have to pay for the computers when the production of the goods is no longer in their countries? How do we pay for durable goods with temporary Mcjobs?
At Thanksgiving dinner, all the adults spoke about the economy with great gravity and solemnity. People are very, very scared and very, very upset. Most of my sister's in laws are conservative people with a strong work ethic. Their conclusion? That the US is regressing to a two class system: the rich and the poor; AND that it was planned this way by the rich and powerful. They believe that the rich want to destroy the middle class.
They also own lots of guns.
Aren't the 2 major brewers (Miller/Coors and Anhauser Busch) own by companies in London and South Africa? So much for the beer part.
Orbs...I too truly believe the same as your sister’s' in law.
It will be the modern form of slavery.
I was just thinking today...if Pres Obama gave all those billions to the general public can you imagine how great the economy would be now? We would have spent it all on THINGS and SERVICES. Boy did he miss his chance!!!
Good observation, logjam.
I would add two to the list.
If you buy heroin, the money will go to the Taliban.
If you buy diamonds, it will go to African warlords.
Gee, I guess that only leaves the oldest profession.... You can patronize your local doctor afterward.
LOL, kk, but I'll bet they're importing cheaper hookers as we type.
KK you crack my up...but then it will probably be an Indian doctor from Pakistan
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