Dear Madame O'Zoltar

Top o’ the day to you, my luscious leprechauns! How are you? Are you wearing green? Are you drinking green? Are you feeling green? I’m green with envy of the Irish today. Erin Go Bragh! I love seeing green sprouts coming up on a day like this and even some grass greening up in Racine. The weather is beautiful. It’s a wonderful day. God bless the Irish, and God bless everyone else, too.

There was an email from the enchanting Ms. kkdither this week. She wrote:

My dearest Madame,

I hope this email finds you well.

I was watching Pawn Stars in the early morning, sleepless hours I have been keeping of late. In this particular episode, Chumly, who works in the pawn shop, found himself compelled to go to an auction to place a bid. In this auction, there was a fortune telling machine named Esmeralda whose beauty and allure he could not shake loose from his mind. He was hoping to place a maximum bid of $500.00. Alas, the machine's price rose to over $6,000.00, and he left feeling defeated and lovelorn.

My question is... do you know of this Esmeralda? Is she a relative? I do hope you hold some royalties on the Zoltar brand name of these devices. It appears with times being so difficult, everyone is looking to know what lies ahead and the popularity of these machines is on the rise.

Upon further research, I found this link: http://www.bmigaming.com/games-arcade-fortunetellers.htm.

I had no idea Bill Clinton was among those offering up predictions, horoscopes or visions.... :D

Yours truly,
kkdither

Thank you so much for your query, my dear Ms. kk. It is always a delight to hear from you. I am doing fine (or as well as can be expected in these trying times) and I hope that you are well, too.

I am well acquainted with this Esmeralda that you speak of, and thankfully she is no relative of mine. From her first incarnation in Notre Dame to this very day, she breaks young men’s hearts, just like Mr. Chumly’s, while relieving them of their funds. Her beauty and dancing are legendary. Her wiles and charms are many. She is forever young and appealing. Humph! The tart!

Unfortunately, Mr. Zoltar was also well acquainted with Esmeralda, if you catch my drift. That is one of the many reasons that he is now my ex-Mr. Zoltar. Also unfortunately, I did not realize the value of Zoltar fortune telling machine royalties during the divorce negotiations. He got the machines, I got the kid. However, I am sole owner and proprietor of Zoltar® brand psychic products for home use. I’ve even been thinking of starting a Mary Kay type of franchising operation. Representatives of Zoltar® products could call on you in your homes and bring my potions and predictions to you. Or perhaps you’d prefer to attend a Zoltar® party at one of the representatives’ homes. There you could see and try the full line of products I’ve prepared for you. Oh my, the possibilities are endless.

As for Mr. Clinton offering up visions, I suggest that a fortune telling machine might do just as good a job of running this country as any of our current politicians. Maybe even better. And certainly more cheaply.

Well that’s another exciting episode of my blog for this week, dear Irregulars. I hope that you all are hale and hearty on this gorgeous spring day. Don’t forget that Madame Zoltar cares about each and every one of you.

Please send your prose and poems in Celtic to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Have a wonderful week, my friends. March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb, or vice versa, but what happens in the middle is anybody’s guess. Gra Go Deo!