Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my woeful water lilies! How are you? Are you keeping dry? That’s becoming more and more difficult to do these days. The National Weather Service says that we can finally wring ourselves out after today, but we’ve all heard that song from them before. Those people give the rest of us in the prediction industry a bad name. If I was wrong as often as they are, I would be out of business before you could say, “Partly cloudy.” I know how difficult it is to read Mother Nature’s moods; that’s why I don’t even try. I do wonder, though how much one of those big shot meteorologists on TV makes. Ms. kk suggested last week that I get into weather forecasting. I suppose I could stand in front of a camera and make up predictions, too. I would do it with a Madame Zoltar twist: “Hello, my delightful dearies! How are you? Today I predict beautiful weather with balmy temperatures, sunny skies, soothing breezes, and a tall, dark, handsome stranger entering your life.” Oh my.

I would like to once again express my gratitude to the SC Johnson Company for coming to the rescue of Racine’s Dr. Laurel Clark Memorial Fountain. Preparing and maintaining the fountain for children’s play is a wonderful act of kindness from a company known for its generosity. Racine is fortunate to be home to such a fine corporation. I understand that Mr. Fisk Johnson took a personal interest in the plight of the fountain. Thank you, sir, for intervening on behalf of Racine’s children. May good fortune continue to bless you and yours. (And if you’d like to guarantee that, I am available for private consultations, at very reasonable rates. My prices do not rise with my clients’ incomes.)

While I’m on my soap box, I’d also like to address another issue that has concerned me lately: motorists and bicyclists. Please, everybody, please be careful out there! The good weather and plethora of things to do, along with the health and energy conscious consciences of the younger generation, have brought a multitude of bicycles to Racine’s streets and roadways, some of which were already congested at places and times. Everyone needs to watch out and be aware of each other. Motorcycles get into the mix during fair weather, too. I narrowly averted two separate accidents with bicyclists yesterday, and I’m still shaking. One ran a stop sign and the other ran a red light. But many is the time I’ve seen motorists cut off or ignore bicyclists. When I’ve been out for a spin on my bicycle, you wouldn’t believe the filthy things that have been shouted at me and/or the objects thrown at me. A few times I have barely managed to keep myself from casting the dreaded Zoltar® Curse™ on a car full of idiots. In any case, we need to respect each other and remember that we are dealing with human beings on our streets, not “the enemy.”

Finally, here’s an interesting little clip that involves a Segway (kind of a motorized bicycle) and a Zoltar fortune telling booth:



To find out all you’d ever want to know about that contraption (including how to build your own), check out: http://www.segnyc.com/. You can even follow Zoltar_Speaks on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Zoltar_Speaks. All I can say about that, my dears, is whatever my ex “speaks,” I guarantee you it is lies. Oh my, so true!

Thank you everyone, irregular and otherwise, for taking a few moments to read my blog today. I can sense when others are pondering my writings, and it makes me feel warm and loved. I want to do whatever I can to return those feelings to all of you. Please let me know if I can be of assistance to you. Don’t forget, you can always contact me at: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

National Weather Service, Schmnational Weather Service, the sun is going to shine soon, I predict, in more ways than one. May the light enfold us all. Just not blistering heat and smothering humidity, OK, Mother Nature? OK? Are you listening? Isotherm!