Hello, my lemony meringue pies! How are you? Have you been enjoying the more moderate temperatures outside? It’s hard to believe, but the 4th of July is less than three weeks away. That is Racine’s big granddaddy of all celebrations. It reminds me of an old Star Trek episode where the inhabitants of a planet were moral and conscientious people except for one day out of the year when they went wild and drank and fought and debauched themselves. Hmm, I wonder if Gene Roddenberry ever visited Racine?I recently ate a delicious meal at downtown Racine’s Whey Chai restaurant. Afterwards, I had a traditional fortune cookie. I don’t remember the fortune, but it was something upbeat, along the lines of “your determination and character will win you many admirers and friends.” They also include “lucky” numbers. Oh my, what a racket. There is absolutely no personal responsibility at play here. Those numbers are passed out randomly, and not divined specifically for each individual person. The same thing with the fortunes: bland pap for mass consumption. Have you ever read a “fortune” cookie that told you that your Aunt Emma will die soon or that your husband is cheating on you? That’s because only a professional Certified Psychic™ can address your personal needs in assessing your personal fortune. If you think that your future is exactly the same as ten thousand other people, rely on astrological predictions in the newspaper or magazines. If you think that you are a unique individual with unique possibilities, contact me, Madame Zoltar®, to find out what is going to happen to you, and only you, in the days and years to come. I am at your disposal 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, via the “magic” of the internet: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com. Once you’ve tried the best, I will blot out all memory of the rest.
By the way, here is a website listed on one of the fortune cookies: http://myfreefortune.com/ As of today, it says that the domain expired ten days ago. Oh my.
Well, my dear, dear Irregulars, I know that many of you are interested in my relationship with Senor Zanza, and some of you have even expressed your concern for my well being, so I am going to divulge some secrets for your appraisal. I have been expecting Senor Zanza to ask me the big question one of these days. He did so on Saturday, but it wasn’t the question that I expected. Instead of a marriage proposal, he proposed that he move in with Junior and me. Oh my. The Senor states that he can save a lot of money if he moves in here. He also says that he would not be staying here every night, but would consider this his “base of operations.” Oh my, oh my.
I didn’t give him an answer yet. He is such an attractive man. But I fear he may be a wolf in wolf’s clothing. I guess you could say that I am conflicted. When that happens, it becomes difficult for me to discern my own fortune. Do you have any suggestions, my dears?
I love you all, each and every one of you, Irregulars and regulars alike. Thank you for reading my blog and thank you for not spitting on the sidewalk. Besides, on our new rubber ones, it bounces right back in your face.
Look both ways before crossing the street and don’t forget to brush after every meal. You can load up on goodies at the Greek Festival and work it off in the Lighthouse Run. Be all you can be. Be Irregular. Witzelsucht!
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5 comments:
Mme Z... you are quite the inspiration, not only are you getting action, but promoting Greek Fest as well. Never a dull moment for you.
Mme. Z, I know you're going to think that I have ulterior motives, but my advice is to dump Zanza. Men are like streetcars, often late and unreliable. None of us are good enough for you.
My mom always said that men are like streetcars... stand on the corner long enough and another one will come around. hahaha
Let me assure you, Mr. OrbsCorbs, my intentions are strictly honorable. I am aware of the deep affection the irregulars have for the lovely Madame Zoltar so I understand where this is originating.
My suggestions to her to cohabitate were obviously misunderstood. Junior is, as M.Z. states herself, a handful at his age. I simply felt that a male presence-- that is, one of higher powers, would be beneficial to their homestead. It is very, very easy for a young man who has been given "gifts" to wander astray to the darker side of his powers.
The Madame is a fabulous woman with whom I enjoy spending great hours talking of many things, ethereal and beyond. She is also very loving and giving. Please do not be alarmed by me. I look forward to meeting you all in person this summer to allay any of your apprehensions.
I dont trust you, Zanza...!
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