Did someone say toilet paper was a great invention?

Got into a conversation of worlds greatest inventions, and someone said toilet paper. I got a better invention. The toilet seat bidet. Always thought I'd like a bidet, and found they make em into toilet seats now. I mean when you get old sometimes it's harder to get a grip of that paper. Sometimes you have the 3/4 roll, "Will it ever stop?" experience, and then there is that worst case situation. "What do you mean we're OUT!?? Well, not to worry any more. Down in Illinois they make something called a "Toilet seat bidet." Kid you not. I hear ya saying, "Whoa, too much info." but really, is too much ever enough?

A few months ago I finally said enough. I'd had a new electrical outlet installed last year behind the toilet when I did some wall work, and with the furthering of my disability, I needed a taller toilet for easier transferring to my chair. I went with a nice 2.5" taller than normal model, and with the low water use requirements, I got the Ba-WOOosh model at that. Al Bundy has nothing on me. The old toilet used four gallons per flush, and the plunger was still over used. The new one? The plunger has been retired. The problem is, when you get a nice new toilet, you need a nice new seat. What's a real man to do? Why get a real man's toilet seat. Oh yeah!

How about a heated seat with five heat ranges? Bidets are Water using apparatuses right? Well, how about five temperature water heat control? Bidets don't just squirt water, no. There is a water wand adjustment for front and back. Everybodies butt has a different area, and one size will not fit all. Of course for the women, they want their front AND back side done. Just program how far and it flies. Also water pressure adjustment, and aeration so the jet pulses. There is even a blow dryer with it's own heat settings! Self cleaning, retracting wand so it's business isn't out there when you sit down or are reading the paper unless you want it out there. Even a "Kid's" setting. And the very last thing in the manual, the one thing that made me go HUH? Was the feminine massage. I guess if she's in there longer than ten minutes, she'll be awhile. Truly, the Cadillac of toilet seats.

How much? Hey, class costs. $350. Best money I ever spent!