FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.

3. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

4. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

5. Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband