Christine M. Flowers, Daily News Columnist
Posted: Friday, February 14, 2014, 3:01 AM
"NOTHING touches the psychological third rail as saying that 'addicts are selfish.' Since early last Friday morning, when my column on Philip Seymour Hoffman first appeared online, I've been receiving emails from all over the country with various levels of outrage, self-righteousness and, most surprisingly, gratitude.
"I expected the comments like 'I want to bitch slap you' from the woman in Florida who said that her son had just died of a heroin overdose. The supercilious tsk- tsking from those in what I call the industrial-addiction complex was hardly surprising, either. They took me to task for my ignorance, including the self-described therapist who told me that she understood that I had the right to my opinion but that it was dangerous to express that opinion. It's as if calling Hoffman 'selfish' would burden recovering addicts with unhealthy guilt. Personally, I think it is the lack of guilt that lies at the root of the injuries we inflict on others, if not ourselves.
"But what really struck me with more force than the bolt that hit Saul on his way to Damascus was the volume of readers who agreed with me that Hoffman was selfish in failing to consider how his actions would affect his babies.
"There, I said it again and will continue to say it until the last co-dependent parent writes to call me a jackass because his daughter just got out of rehab and I apparently don't know what the hell I'm talking about."
Read more at http://www.philly.com/philly/opinion/20140214_Hoffman___addiction__Sharing_our_pain__anger_and_honesty.html#2Q1imXgexyScVWdX.99
I agree.
From Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62: "Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the
root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion,
self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and
they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation,
but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made
decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt."
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Members of AA are supposed to remain anonymous in public. The reason for that is not because we are ashamed of who and what we are, but to ensure that we don't become too proud in our recovery. Humility is the basis of all spiritual traditions in AA.
Every time I hear some celebrity somewhere announce that he or she has joined AA, I wince. By doing so, they demonstrate that they don't understand one of the most basic concepts in AA. They also damage AA, especially if they publicly relapse.
I've been watching a movie entitled The Silencer, about an alcoholic hit man who is sent away to sober up in AA. It's not 100% correct in its portrayal of AA. (What was his girlfriend doing at a closed AA meeting?)
For the most part, I'm enjoying it, but there are references to AA that I disagree with. One of the most damaging is the myth perpetuated by those in the rehab industry that relapsing is normal in recovery.
The rehab industry’s "success rate" (sober for 5 or more years) is 3%. That's right. Rather than admit their failure (and lose their funding), they made failure in recovery "normal."
That attitude has filtered down into AA. Indeed, much of the garbage that the rehab industry pushes shows up in AA meetings, where it doesn't belong.
Nowhere in the first 164 pages of the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, does it say that you have to or are expected to relapse.
Quite the contrary. Read the book. Go to meetings. Get a sponsor. Work the steps. Stay sober.
Even the term "relapse" is part of the effort to make alcoholism a disabling disease. There's a lot of money to be made from diseases of all types.
Early AA's considered alcoholism to be more of an allergy than a disease.
They also used the term "recovered alcoholics." The rehab industry realized there was little money in success, so they made alcoholism a disease that you are "recovering" from forever.
Keep 'em sick, keep 'em relapsing, keep the money flowing in.
I can only relate with nicotine. I was addicted. I will NEVER smoke another cigarette because I know that one would lead to more.
Can you cure addiction? I believe it is something that is a constant fight, of which the pull diminishes the longer you are able to resist the temptation.
People do negative and harmful things for a variety of reasons. Everyone fights different demons. I don't think we can compare one addiction to another and one person's reaction or success to that of someone else. There are too many factors.
When I consider myself a "recovered" alcoholic, I don't think that I'm no longer an alcoholic, nor do I think that I can drink "socially," whatever that means.
It means that I know and I accept that as long as I stay away from alcohol, I won't get "sick." Lizardmom has to avoid a whole list of items. If she doesn't, she gets "sick." All I have to do is avoid alcohol and I don't get "sick."
I'm not saying that it's easy. Far from it. But certain basic principles have been drilled into me: one day at a time; if you don't pick up the first one, you don't have to pick up all the rest; in situations where alcohol will be served, always leave yourself an "out;" stay out of bars and liquor stores (duh); etc, etc.
I used AA principles to stop smoking a year and a half after I stopped drinking.
I don't want to give the impression that I consider AA a panacea for alcoholism. AA's own studies confirm that of people who think alcohol is a problem in their lives and stop drinking, 60& do it by themselves, 40% use "help."
Help doesn't have to be AA. It can be a pastor. It can be a friend. There are organizations out there like Rational Recovery (https://rational.org/index.php?id=1) and Secular Organizations for Sobriety (http://www.sossobriety.org/home.html) that don't have the "God stuff."
Sometimes, just prayer works.
If you have an addiction and you want to stop, whatever method you use is valid if it achieves your goal.
i felt this from the beginning. Why on Earth are they mourning Mr. Hoffman, and treating him like a saint? My exact words on a Yahoo blog were "What an idiot" It's the same as blowing your brains out, and ruining the lives of hundreds of survivors.
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